Mums, We Need to Stick Together (in this cold online world)

I've had this post rumbling around in my gut for a while now, but just lacked the hook to hang it all on. I found my starting point last night when I spotted a post from kiwi mum-blogger Emily Writes in my FaceBook feed. Emily has managed to catch the eye of the mainstream media moguls with her self-deprecating, honest and hilarious blog posts about the realities of parenting. This latest story was a doozie, and I found myself chuckling and shaking my head all the way through. The title itself is fab: "I was a great parent - before I had kids". Mmmhmm. Yep. Weren't we all?
Then I hit the comment section and my stomach literally dropped. Poor Emily!
She must have been so excited to get her blog stories up on a mainstream news website (I know I would have been) and then, whammo, the crazies start in on her. The judgey comments, the meanness, as typified by this one:

[ CONTINUE READING.......]

My Two Cents on the "Christian" Response to Gay Marriage

[source]

I had to write this post even though I know every man and his dog has already had their say on Social Media. In fact, that's exactly why I have to write this. Heck, America is not even my country but the stories have been clogging my Facebook feed all week, and the comments on those stories - the awful ugly comments - have literally made me sick. Actually vomitous. Like, I am lying awake at night feeling very upset.

So America has legalised gay marriage and the sky has started falling. No? OK, the end is near, fire is on it's way from Heaven, God is very upset and so is every Christian pastor who is worried he might be forced to marry gay people.... Come on!
Oh my goodness, the backlash! Is it true what my friend told me that a Texas pastor actually threatened to set himself on fire if the law was passed?
People! What the heck??!!!

My country, little ole New Zealand, legalised gay marriage back in 2013, and guess what? The sky didn't fall. The end didn't come, there was NO FIRE FROM HEAVEN to destroy us all.


Also, I've not heard of one Christian pastor who has been forced against his will to marry a gay couple.
Even stranger, the teachers at my kids' school who are gay didn't suddenly start forcing their gayness on their students. My kids are completely oblivious to the fact that some of their teachers are gay. Because guess what? The teachers are there to teach, and that's what they do. Their personal lives do not come into it. It's none of our business.

Why do I feel like I have to write a response to the outpourings of hate and judgement I have seen in my Facebook feed? Because I want to make it very clear to the people I know and love who are gay (and my straight friends who have gay people that they love) that the haters do not represent me.

And more importantly, THEY DO NOT REPRESENT JESUS EITHER.

[ CONTINUE READING.......]

The Power of One (plus One plus One...)

[Source]

I still have paint on my fingernails from all the painting I did yesterday. Three quarters of my hallway is now complete. (I'll show you all soon.)

I'm sitting here at my trendy new white trestle desk, in my half-painted hallway remembering how troubled I was as I spent the day rollering the walls and thinking about the gross display of bullying New Zealand had witnessed on X-Factor the night before.

Two judges (a husband and wife couple, Willy Moon and Natalia Kills) had gone after a contestant and skewered him with cruel words, taunting him, calling him disgusting and creepy among (many) other terrible things.

See for yourself (if you haven't already)...

The contestant, a socially awkward chap called Joe, who is usually prone to tears, stood his ground bravely in the face of their bullying tirade.

By the morning New Zealand was in an uproar. There were petitions going around and Facebook Pages set up to try and get the pair of judges sacked; two major corporate sponsors (2degrees and McDonalds) complained to TV3 about "unacceptable behaviour", countless official complaints had been made to the broadcasting standards authority and even Simon Cowell's production company were investigating this "bringing of their show into disrepute." The debacle even made headlines around the world on massive webzines like Daily Mail, People and Buzzfeed.

By the afternoon, they were gone. Sacked, given the boot, gone-burgers.

I never thought it would happen (my kids never thought it would happen).
We thought the best we could hope for was a lame apology and a rap over the knuckles. But no.
It was great to be able to say to my kids, See, it doesn't pay to be a bully. Look what happens when people stand up to bullies. One person can make a difference!

[Source]

Apparently New Zealand really is serious about sending a message to bullies.
The way the whole country responded with a resounding "THIS IS NOT OK!" was pretty awesome.
It's unheard of, really.
Judges on a show like this being sacked in the middle of a season???
Unbelievable.

And who made it happen? All the little people who hate bullying.
All the little people who signed the petition (like me). Over 70,000 in less than a day.
The big people in those corporates who saw a mass of little people making a fuss and for once, used their influence for good (money talks).
And the big wigs who actually listened and did something unprecedented.

I mean, who does that?
Well, apparently here in New Zealand, WE DO!

The power of One (plus one plus one); a tide of voices on social media. Clicktivism.
It's a form of democracy, really, with pretty powerful results!

As I read through the comments which accompanied the Herald article link on Facebook, I saw one comment which really struck me:

"Yep, we used our voices to get rid of of some bullies and see justice done. Awesome New Zealand! Now how about that cyclone in Vanuatu? What we gonna do about that now we're on a roll...???"

Makes you think doesn't it?
Imagine what we could do if we got this up-in-arms and motivated about the cyclone victims in the Pacific. Child poverty. Human trafficking.
Just think what we could achieve.
I wonder why mostly we don't speak out, use our collective voices to demand action, influence change, do something?
And I wonder why sometimes, like in this situation, WE DO?
  

Blog Tips: Facebook Reach, PicMonkey for Bloggers and a Winner

How long has it been since I shared a blog tips post? Soooo long.
I've learned a few cool tricks in the intervening months/years(?!) and since I promised to choose the *BOOK WINNER* to celebrate my six years blogging today, I thought I'd throw in a few blog tips while I'm at it. Cos, well, it's been a while. And these tips might help you.

(Winner announced at the bottom of the post...)

First up... I've figured out a really simple way to beat that nasty miserable Facebook "Reach".
If you have a Facebook page for your blog (separate to your personal profile) you will probably be just as frustrated as I was at the ridiculously low number of people that get shown your posts in their feed, otherwise known as "Reach".
You could have 800 people like your page but only a measly 4% of those likers will be shown your post by Facebook. It totally depends what that first 4% do with your post as to whether any more of your likers get shown the post: they have to interact with it (like it, comment on it and most importantly share it) in order for your post's "Reach" to get anywhere near decent.
People had all kinds of theories about how to increase Reach but none of them made any difference as far as I could see.
I had all but given up on my Facebook page, resigned myself to it being a useless social media appendage and an exercise in frustration, until I figured out this easy peasy trick.

Here's what you do to increase your Reach by a happily decent amount:

• First get rid of all auto posting via Networked Blogs, Bloglovin etc. You need to post manually to your page. I upload a photo from the post, write a brief intro blurb and include the link. (Don't bother with "link in comments", it makes no difference). 
• Once you've posted to your page, SHARE the post on your personal profile - this is the key. Then all comments and likes from your personal page will be counted in your total, plus because your post has been "shared" (by you) it automatically increases your post's Reach (i.e. the number of people Facebook shows your post to.) 

Since I've started doing this my Reach has been much better... instead of a measly "40" my Reach now varies between 250 and 500+ . Occasionally it even goes higher. The simple act of "sharing" increases your post's Reach by heaps. Try this tip and see if it doesn't make a huge difference to your Facebook Page Reach.

Something else I do all the time now is USE PICMONKEY. I use it for everything: collages, post titles, Facebook banners -  even my blog header is made in Picmonkey. Sure I have Photoshop, which is better for professional jobs, and I have PhotoScape, which allows me to bulk edit my photos (resizing, watermarking etc) but PicMonkey is my favourite for everything else.
You can use the free version online anywhere, without needing to download any software. I've now subscribed to the "Royale" features, but even the free version is simply brill.
They keep improving it, adding new features, new themes and editing options. Now you aren't even limited by their fonts - you can use your own.

I made the headings in this post in Picmonkey, using my own fonts on a transparent background which I cropped and sized to just the right dimensions. It took about a minute to make four titles. I keep the PicMonkey window with the title format open while I'm writing my blog post, so if I need a different or extra title I can quickly make one without having to start again (once you save something in PicMonkey you can't edit it unless the window with your working file is still open).

You can use Picmonkey to design things from scratch, in the "design" mode. Choose your background, including transparent, size it how you want it, add your elements and voila! Something pretty for your blog in mere minutes, with no fuss.
You can add elements from Picmonkey's wide selection (including chalkboard shapes) or add your own.

You can make blog headers, facebook banners, and collages in a jiffy. You upload your photos, drag and drop the photos in. Don't like it? Drop in another photo. Need it taller, wider, more photos...? Drag the edges to resize, drop in extra elements. It's so quick.

I use Picmonkey all the time in my job at school as well - I create collages from photos I take with my students to help them with story starters and other writing tasks. It's so quick to use I can whip up a collage in the time it takes them to write out their spelling words.

But this is a blog tips post, so I'd better get back to the blog tips (just trying to point out that Picmonkey is extremely useful in more ways than one!)

Bottom line...

When it comes to your blog's layout, it's not just about looking pretty - it's about making sure newcomers can find their way around easily. To ensure your blog lays out the welcome mat for anyone new who stumbles across it, you need to make the most of the space "above the fold". This is the view of your blog people have when they first land on it, the top, the first screen before scrolling down.

To make the most of the space "above the fold" you need to put the most important things at the top.

• a Header for your blog - not too deep so it takes up too much space. Resize your header so it is approximately these dimensions: 1000px wide x 300 px deep. You can easily make a lovely blog header to the exact right size in PicMonkey.
• Page tabs: for ease of navigation have your page tabs running underneath your header. Make sure the font is clear and easy to read. If you don't have pages on your blog, check out my tutorial about how (and why) to make them
• Social media buttons - make it easy for people to find and follow you on social media by having a set of buttons right there at the top of your blog. I've got a whole range of free social media buttons in different styles and show you how to add them in my social media buttons tutorial
• A welcome panel - so newcomers know who is writing this blog!

A "Welcome Panel" is a short introduction which includes a picture of you so newcomers can immediately see who you are and get a sense of what you're about. I've had an "about me" page for ages, but only recently added a welcome panel.

I did so after visiting a number of blogs and being unable to find a picture of the author - or her name - anywhere obvious. When I visited other blogs which provided a quick little intro+photo in the sidebar right at the top, I appreciated being able to immediately know what the blog was about, without having to go on a hunt. So I added a welcome panel of my own, made in - you guessed it - Picmonkey.

(I've just changed out the picture after I found this great family selfie Miss Fab took. I used PicMonkey's new "shape cutout" feature - found in "frames" - to make the photo round on a transparent background and then added the text separately.)

.................

Right. Phew. That was a whole lot of blogging tips, right there.
I hope you found something useful or learned something you didn't know.
Finally I get to the bit where I tell you the winner of my Commenty Book Giveaway.

I asked you to share with me what you love most about my blog, and I was honestly really touched by your responses! Thank you to every one of you who left me a comment - I wish I had the dosh in my PayPal account to send a book to everyone who took the time to send me comment love on my blog-birthday, but I don't *sniff*

Here's the comment I've picked as my favourite, from among so many worthy, heartfelt, encouraging contenders:

"Yours is the first and only blog I subscribe to. I came for the kids parties that you do so well and stayed for…well, you, really. I love how you are honest about who you are and what your joys and struggles are. You are not trying to show the world how awesome and got-it-all-together you are, and by doing so you come across as a real-life person who experiences the same day to day life that I do. I can relate to what you are saying, but you have a certain something that inspires me to make that day to day life sparkly and pretty and the best that it can be. So thanks!"

This comment gives me goosebumps. It absolutely made my day, because this is what I aim for my blog to be about. So KATHERINE, come on down!

Can you email me on greatfun4kids@live.com and let me know your choice of book (anything from Book Depository, as long as it's not gold plated), along with your full name and mailing address. Then I'll order your book for you!

• More of my Blog Tips here

P.S. Is there anything you'd like me to do a Blog Tips tutorial on? Tell me your burning blog tippy questions...

Mother Ducks Unite!

The other day on our way into school, Miss Fab and I got to witness something rather special.
Our school is located on a very busy road. Traffic zooms by nose-to-tail in rush hour and anyone attempting to cross really needs to do it at the pedestrian crossing.
Of course if you're a Mother Duck with a gaggle of ducklings waddling in your wake, you are probably completely unaware that such a thing exists. So if you find yourself on the wrong side of the road in morning rush hour traffic, you really are taking your life in your hands if you attempt to make it to the other side.

Such was the plight of this Mother Duck. She wandered up and down the curb, darting out into the road in an attempt to cross over, then turning back as the cars sped towards her, oblivious to her and her stranded ducklings.

As the drama unfolded, Miss Fab and I stopped to watch, with our hearts in our mouths. Hoping Mother Duck would either give up and wait for quieter traffic, or would achieve safe passage by some miracle. (My camera was in my bag and I whipped it out and started snapping, as you do).

A bunch of mums coming down the footpath with their human ducklings in tow, also spotted Mother Duck's dilemma, and in solidarity for a fellow mother in trouble, they swooped in to action.

These mums stepped out into the road, held up their hands and the river of traffic halted. While a couple of them played traffic cop the rest of the mums herded Mother Duck and her ducklings safely across the road.

It was a beautiful thing.

Mums united, stopping traffic, helping a little mother to safety. Mother Ducks United.
I'm so glad I had my camera.

Of course I knew I would share the pictures with you here on the blog, and as I thought about what I'd seen that morning, it got me thinking.

There is such strength in the Sisterhood of Mothers. We fellow-mothers are all on the same journey, facing variations of the same challenges. We all worry about the same things and doubt ourselves in the same ways. We all want the best for our kids, we all lie in bed at night worrying over the child that is struggling. We're in this together, really.

And yet if you go onto Facebook or Twitter on any given day, you will find mothers attacking each other, pouring scorn and judgement on each other and being anything but supportive Mother-Sisters.

I've been shocked and sickened over some of the things I've read mothers say to one another.
Too many people are quick to judge, quick to condemn and stick the knife in.
Too many have forgotten that we are actually all in the same boat, that we all want the same things: to shepherd our little ducks safely from one side of childhood to the other.

I read a brilliant article once (which I have lost and so sadly can't link to) in which the writer had a theory as to why Mothers are so quick to leap to the attack. The writer suggested that the reason we are so quick to attack others is because we are actually insecure about how good a job we are doing ourselves. She said if we see anyone doing things differently to how we do them we feel threatened and defensively go on the attack.

It rang true. It made sense.
How often do I doubt and second-guess the job I'm doing as a mother? I don't know many (if any) mothers who don't doubt themselves on a regular basis. Do you?
I guess if we were all a little more secure, and believed in ourselves a little more, perhaps we would be less inclined to feel threatened by someone who is doing things differently.
Different is not wrong. Different is OK.
There is plenty of room in this parenting arena for different ways of doing things.
What works for one kid won't work for another. What works for one family won't work for another.

And that's OK.
In fact it's great, because we can learn from each other. Take what is useful from what someone else does and leave the bits that don't fit, instead of feeling threatened.

These days we've got baby-wearers judging disposable-nappy mums (and viceversa); breastfeeders judging bottle-feeders (and viceversa); homeschoolers judging schoolies (and viceversa)... the list goes on. Really, there's no need for it. Bottom line: we all love our kids and want the best for them, but we all go about achieving that in different ways, based on our different values, priorities and circumstances.

Hopefully we can have enough confidence and big-heartedness to not be threatened by another's different methods or priorities. If we see someone struggling, maybe we can be like those mums who stopped traffic for the little Mother Duck; we can stand together, and see each other as allies.
Social media (and the world) would be a much nicer place without the vitriol of Mother Wars. Wouldn't it?

After all my mother-sister friends, we are all in this together, herding our little ducks safely through childhood. And sometimes we need the help of fellow mothers who will stand with us and help stop traffic.

•  More of my posts on Parenting & Motherhood

Rambling and Raving on Life and Blogging

I wonder if you've noticed I'm not posting as often here on my blog? The reduced frequency of my stories popping up in your inbox or on your reader may have you asking, Hey what gives?
Or, more likely, you didn't even realise because you are actually out there living your life, instead of waiting with baited breath for something new from me to materialise.
Almost certainly.

My husband says this to me quite regularly: "You know Simoney nobody will die if you don't post something on your blog today. it's not like people are sitting there at their computers, holding on, waiting for you to write something."

I know this, I do. At least I thought I did.
In my head I knew this was true, but deep down something was pushing me from the inside as if the fate of the world rested upon me updating my blog on a daily basis.

Towards the end of last year things were starting to get to me. Facebook was the trigger. Anyone with a fanpage will know what I'm talking about - the frustration of trying to increase your "reach" after Facebook changed the rules of engagement. Now only 4% of your fans get to see your post unless enough of that 4% engage with said post.
I got sucked in there briefly as madly, obsessively I tried to "up my reach" all to no avail. Even if one post did well, the next post was back to square one. I was fighting a losing battle which seemed to me to be just one symptom of everything that had gone wrong with blogging in the last few years.

Amidst the push to grow readership, interpret stats, work with partners and promote your blog on social media I had all-but lost the simple joy of blogging. And in the meantime the obsessive anxious media-holic that I had become was disengaged from life and family as - wait for it - the need to succeed drove me onwards on the performance treadmill to the detriment of all else.

One day I woke up to the fact that I was disatisfied, unhappy and over it. I needed to make some changes and I needed to face facts. This whole blogging thing was way out of kilter.
I committed myself to a blogging go-slow, promising myself (and my counsellor and my husband) that through December I would blog just once a week.
I made no announcements, I declared no blog-holiday. I just... pulled back.
There was no December Christmas Linky, no Christmas craft tutorials, no mad Christmas blog-fest here. Once a week I checked in and shared a story, some photos, some thoughts.

Meanwhile I started trying to re-engage with my real life again.
By the time January rolled around, things were different. I felt differently about blogging and social media than I had for a while. I felt... free. That awful inner drive to prove myself and find a sense of significance through blogging has loosened its grip.

That inner drive has always been there; it didn't start with blogging. My life has been dogged by a deep-seated sense of inadequacy which created an unquenchable desire for approval that saw me pushing myself to all kinds of extremes throughout my working life. Blogging is just the latest manifestation.
"Keep going, keep going, when you get there you can finally relax and know you're enough..." Or so I believed deep down.

But I will never "arrive" at that mythical place where I can rest and be satisfied and just be... unless I deliberately get off the performance treadmill and change the record.

So this isn't really about the blogging. It's about me being enough just as I am. Recognising what was driving me and not yielding to it anymore.

The main thing with me blogging now is that my motivation needs to be different. I need to just do it because I love it, not because I'm trying to keep my pageviews up or build a famous blog so I feel significant or worthwhile.
So what if I never write a post that goes viral? As long as one person gets something out of what I write, it's worth it.

My blog doesn't need to be Big to be worth reading, right? I don't need a gazillion random pageviews, just loyal readers who think it's worthwhile coming back because they like what I have to share.

As for Social Media, it can be an endless treadmill of self promotion and anxious blog-pushing if I let it. A trap for young players, a quicksand of trying to get ahead. Enough already.

Facebook you can have your reach, I'm done with trying to beat you. If only 40 people see my posts in their feed, so be it. I am not going to lose any sleep over it any more.

I'm just going to write my stories when the inspiration strikes, I'll share my heart and my ideas and my life with my readers in the hopes that they find encouragement, inspiration or just get a good laugh and know they're not alone on this crazy journey of life.
That's why I blog. Come read me who may.

Unhealthy obsession, YOU'RE OVER. Back to the basics of writing cos I love it? YOU'RE ON.

................

Do you ever find yourself stuck on a performance treadmill? If you blog, have you battled with this issue at all? 

A Bit of a Rant

If you're wondering where I am... I'm here.
But not quite "all there", if you know what I mean?
A few things are doing my head in, so hold onto your seatbelts here comes a blethering rant, if you can handle it.
Firstly, my stupid camera has malfunctioned and I am beyond frustrated.
I have a hundred beautiful photos of an epic family day horseriding which are stuck on the camera. Which freezes and makes everything crash. And then my computer tells me there ARE no photos on the camera, when I can plainly see that there ARE.
Beautiful ones of horses, a farm, my kids riding ponies.
Bugger.
I am beyond ticked.

And secondly? I'm kind of getting frustrated with the whole blogging palaver.
I saw a graphic the other day which was "What to do once you publish your post".
There had to have been fifty things on there to do.
SEO and social media and promoting your post here there and flippin everywhere.
I'm not in favour of writing those "I'm sick of blogging and don't know if I should continue" posts; I'm not sick of blogging. I'm sick of all the other stuff you seem to have to do these days to try and get your post "seen".
All I want to do is write. Share stories. Take photos. Connect.
All the other stuff is robbing the joy, to be honest.
But if I don't put myself out there on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/G+ etc etc then what?
If I can't get my post "reach" up (on Facebook) then what?
OK, Simoney, what's the worst that can happen? Will the world end?
Will my blog explode?
No.
What did I used to do?
I would write a post, stick in some half-decent photos, hit publish and walk away.
Oh the innocence of those bygone days.

Where is all this pressure coming from?
Is it external or internal? Is it an outside pressure to grow numbers and gain readers - or is it coming from within me? Some lack inside me that pushes me to be significant?
Who knows.

Coming back to why I do this, why I blog, what I started it all for - none of that has changed.
I have something to say, things to share, a voice which aches to be heard.
I love nothing better than encouraging someone else, helping someone else gain confidence, or at least know they're not alone.

Of course I want comments, I crave feedback, I want to know that people are out there reading what I'm labouring over to create and finding it worthwhile.

And of course I would like to reach more people, grow my readership, expand my influence.
But why? So I get more pageclicks, so that brands will work with me and I'll make some money?
Honestly, NO.
I enjoyed doing the Spring Declutter because it made sense for my life, it benefitted my family, and it it was useful/inspiring/helpful for my readers. I'm excited to have a party partner on board to help reduce the financial cost of the parties I love to create.
BUT.
But I'd be doing those projects anyway, with or without partners. I'd be sharing those stories, writing those posts either way.
And I'm not pimping my blog out to anyone who offers me a reciprocal link. I don't want this space to become commercial.
This blog is like a home to me. I've put my heart into it.
In the same way I wouldn't let Telecom build a cellphone tower in my backyard or Bunnings put a billboard on my front lawn, I don't want this blog to become a "for-money" operation.

So the pressure is not because I want to make money.

Actually I think what it might be is this: I do get a teensy bit jealous when I see posts go viral.
There I said it.
I start wishing people would share/like/comment on some of the awesome stuff I've written (increasing my reach, so it would go viral... oh the depths we sink to).
Then I start to doubt myself. Maybe my stuff is not that awesome? Maybe it's not WORTH sharing?

And there we have it. That underlying self-doubt that makes you crave approval.
What do I do with that?
Can I blog purely for myself and a few loyal readers who get me (and the other bunch of randoms who find my parties on Pinterest?)
Do I give up on trying to crack the Facebook Reach Algorithm? Stop trying to work out which gets the better "reach" ("link in comments" or just plain links? Photos or Photo Albums?).
Do I stop hoping that people will "interact" with my posts on Facebook so Facebook will let more of my Facebook likers actually see the post links in their feed? (It's a mission I tell you. Why can't Facebook just let ALL the people who have signed up to follow me on Facebook see my posts??? Why do we have to jump through all these hoops endlessly and forever???)

Do I stop trying to do all the things "they tell you" on infographics, once you've hit "publish" and just... write. Will anybody find me, read me still?

Gah, I'm blowed if I know.

Thoughts, anyone?
If you're a blogger, what do YOU do? If you're not a blogger, how do you usually find/read my new posts?

P.S. Thanks for all the lovely comments. I have sorted the photo/camera issue by taking the camera into a shop and getting them to put the photos onto a USB stick. Photos saved, hurrah. And for those of you feeling similar to what I have expressed here about "the new blogging" Maxabella's latest post is a gem: The FIFO Approach to the New Blogging. Let's start a FIFO revolution, I say.

Blogging about Blogging...

I've been reading some very interesting articles lately, on blogs.
There's a lot of good stuff out there!
It's always inspiring to come across blogs that make you think, and bloggers who read your mind and write what you wish you had written...

Here's a couple of the posts I've read and LOVED recently, from around the blogosphere...

A Letter to Miley Cyrus by iamRihanna

After all the hooha and media frenzy about Miley's OTT performance at the VMA's, this blog post was a shining light of reason. Rihanna (not the singer, just a young blogger) wrote what I had been thinking. I had foolishly been drawn into a discussion on FaceBook, on a friend's post, and the comments some of the ladies were making just left me bamboozled. When I stumbled over this blog post, I had to share it, everywhere.
It would seem lots of people felt the same way - the post went viral overnight, and this blogger who had struggled to get 400 pageviews a day, all of a sudden had over a million hits.
That's the power of social media.
(Gosh darnit, if only I'd written that post, right?? Ha!)

Blog School on Village Voices: Collaboration by Pip Lincolne

Pip writes about the new environment of blogging, and wonders what happened to the days when a post would generate comments and interaction, and there was a wonderful supportive blogging community.
This one really resonated with me, as I had also been pondering a drop-off in comments and interaction and wondered, What have I done? Where is everybody?
It was nice to realise it's not just me who's feeling it.
I mean my stats are the best ever, but it's the connection, the sense of blogging community that seems to have slipped. A lot of my blog friends from the early years have either given up blogging completely or blog (and comment) rarely. I'm sure these newfangled mobile devices which make commenting trickier have a lot to do with the comment/feedback drop-off too.
But the article made me decide to redouble my efforts to be a nice supportive interactive commenty blogger. It's the community and connection that is the real pay-off when it comes to blogging. Without that, as a writer, you feel like you're just talking to yourself.
As a result, I aim to be more generous with my social media sharing. If I stumble across a post I love I plan to FB it, tweet it, G+ it... heck even blog about it (like I am now). So watch out. I could be coming for you.

Dear Blogger, Just Write by Deb at Works in Progress

Again with this post, a lovely blogger has read my mind. Deb (a personal fave, both In Real Life and in Blogland) has written a from-the-heart appeal to bloggers to stop second guessing themselves and tying themselves in knots trying to please everybody, and just write.
I loved her post, so full of goshdarnit good sense. So of course I shared it.

....and finally. The post that had me almost peeing myself laughing...

The Brutal Truth About the Third Child by Shannon at Relentless

All I can say is that if you are the proud owner of three (or more) children, read this while wearing a Tena pad. It's just so flippin hilarious, funny and TRUE. I'll say no more, just read.




Before I sign off and go do some kids-bedroom-swilling or dust-bunny bashing, I'd love to challenge you to join me in being more generous with our sharing of each other's great blog posts.
If a blog post tickles you, why not click a share button?
Like it? Share it!
Loved it? Let the author know.
Just a thought.
xx


(P.S. If you're a blogger, have you noticed changes in the blog community? A drop off of comments and interaction? If so, what do you put it down to?) 

Getting Back to Guilt-free Blogging

I had already been blogging for more than two years when I first heard about Blogiquette*.
[*Psssst, that's the Etiquette of Blogging]

Replying to comments. Following back. Leaving meaningful comments on others' blogs. Visiting commenters' blogs and leaving reciprocal comments.
Oops, I thought, I haven't been doing any of that.
I'd better improve my blog-manners!

Of course it didn't help that I had a good ole Blogger blog with a rubbishy comment system which makes replying to comments a near-impossible mission.*

I tried replying to comments in the post so it looks (to other readers) like I've replied... but the person who commented may never know (unless they come back to check, which is unlikely).
I tried hunting down the person's blog and leaving a comment there (probably what they were after).
While I'm there, I might as well "follow" and hope they "follow back". Time consuming. Tedious.
I tried replying the manual way - reply by email. Oops they don't have their email address visible in their profile. My polite reply just went to No-reply@Blogger. Never mind, at least I tried, right?

I spent the next months being super duper good at Blogiquette, replying to comments as best I could, and being a Really Nice-Mannered Blogger.
At one point I got fed up with Blogger's antiquated comment system so thought I'd try installing another option... then watched my hard-won comments dry up like a granny's knickers in summer.
Obviously that was too much work for my readers, having to sign in every time, so I flagged that idea and returned reluctantly into the loveless arms of Blogger comments.

Meanwhile, as I spent hours of each day trying to build my blog by being a polite blogger, I watched enviously as SouleMama and Pioneer Woman get hundreds of comments which I'll bet they don't reply to.
One Day, I told myself. One day you will be a mega-blogger too and have strangers by the hundreds leaving you amazing personal comments (in the hopes of standing out from the crowd) that nobody expects you to reply to. Your blog will be a household name and people will follow you just to read you. They won't expect you to follow back. Or heaven forbid actually read and comment on their blogs.

At the same time my laundry pile rivals Mt Everest, dust bunnies are planning a revolution in my hallway and my children have started referring to me as "the computer lady".

Sound familiar at all?
Something has got to give.

I am coming across more and more bloggers who have lost their blogging mojo as the pressure gets to them.
Blogging has become one more thing on the To Do list, one more obligation, instead of the joyous creative community-spirited endeavor it was in the beginning.
So their blogs lie dormant, abandoned. Lovely blogs, funny blogs.
It's all become just too difficult.

Do you know what I'm talking about?
Are you there right now?
Or are you a new blogger... still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, enthusiastically replying to every comment and following back every blogger who follows you, whether you love their blog or not???

Whatever, wherever you are, lets take the pressure off, shall we?
Blogiquette is a great and noble concept. I'm all for manners.
But we have actual Real Lives. All of us. Families and responsibilities that tug us away from the computer, much as we would love to spend hours being polite to virtual strangers.

So what do we do?
We re-evaluate. We figure out how much blogging time we get. Hmmmm. Not as much as we'd like.
We'd better Prioritise.

What comes first? Writing content for our own blog, surely? And reading those blogs which truly inspire us, make us laugh - the ones we will read whether the author ever comments on our blogs or not.

We can also make time to read the blogs of those bloggers we've built meaningful friendships with.
If we have a spare minute we might check out a few newbies... and leave an encouraging, meaningful comment.
But not every day.

We reply to the comments where someone asks us a question, and to the comments that made our day, or intrigued us. If we have time we hop over and check out those bloggers (who knows, they could become our new favourite?)... and we leave it at that.

Then we walk away from the computer.
Conquer the Laundry mountain. Fight back against the Dust Bunny Revolution.
Reintroduce ourselves to our children.
And live our actual Real Lives. Without which we will have nothing to say.

What do you reckon, girls? Ready for some guilt free blogging?

*NOTE: The Blogger Commenting System has recently been upgraded to allow "threaded conversations" but they don't actually send an email reply to the commenter. I have now been using Intense Debate comment system for over a year; it works very similar to the Wordpress threaded comments (and has ComLuv)... but I still don't reply to every comment. Unless you ask me a question. Or make my day.

Bloglovin Explained

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Today I'm going to tackle the issue I have studiously been ignoring until Saturday: Google reader is going away.
Old news to most of you I'm sure.
Actually it won't really affect ME in terms of how I read blogs (I rarely use google reader anyway) but I know that for some people this will be a shock.
The main issue for me is this: I have spent years collecting "followers" on GFC, like most of us. Painstakingly, one by one. There they sit in my sidebar: Six hundred and sixty-four of you.
Will you all just disappear on me?
Anyone else worried about this?

One of my readers is. She sent me this email on Saturday and it got me thinking...

"I'm having a panic because Google reader is closing and it seems everyone is going over to Bloglovin and I signed up but I cannot work out how to find the code or make it work. Pleeeeease can you fix this for me???? I have no idea how this works. If everyone has already swapped over, will they end up missing my blog??? Aaaargh. I know it's not life threatening or anything but you know, it's my blog and I've worked hard at it :)"

Ahhh, I hear ya, girl. What's a blogger to do?
And what's all this about Bloglovin? I thought I'd better look into it a little, since it's such "big news" in blogland. Here's what I found....

Bloglovin is an alternative reader to Google. It's simple, easy to use and looks nice. I signed up years ago, but never did anything with it. My friend's email pushed me into having a look at it again, and turns out, it's a pretty cool way to keep up with your blog faves.

You can automatically, very easily, transfer all the blogs you are following over to Bloglovin. Once you've signed up, just click here and follow the steps. Too easy.

You can also syndicate your posts through bloglovin to have them automatically publish on your FaceBook page or profile. Saves having to register for Networked blogs as well. Keeps things tidy.
Bloglovin also have a very helpful support page with all the questions you might have, answered here.
(I also found this helpful review of Bloglovin by EmmyJune)

Not so simple is transferring all your FOLLOWERS to Bloglovin.

There's only one way: ASK THEM TO COME FOLLOW YOU THERE.

Which is what I'm doing today (so I don't lose you. So you don't lose me.)

I'm also helping you do it for your readers as well. I've created some little social media buttons, and a banner button (in code) which you can copy and paste into your sidebar. (Bloglovin has their own but these are to match the collections I've created already).

To use the buttons I've created for you, you first need to sign up to Bloglovin (if you haven't already) and then find your Bloglovin ID.

The highlighted text is where you add your unique Bloglovin "number" or ID. I am still a little unsure as to the simplest way to find this, but I found mine by going to: account/followbuttons and then click on one of the widget styles to reveal the grab code, like this...

Your Bloglovin ID will be hidden in the html code. See, I've highlighted the bit you should copy and paste into my button codes so when people click on it, they'll be taken to your blog's Bloglovin profile.

And while you're at it, dear readers, can you please click through and follow me there as well? Cheers. Thankyou kindly. I promise not to spam-post you. Quality vs quantity from now on remember?

Sign up with Bloglovin here

Here are the button codes (in styles to match my other social media button freebies)...

BLOGLOVIN HEART

<a href=" http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/BLOGLOVIN-ID"><img style="border: 0pt none ;" title="Follow with Bloglovin" alt="" src=" http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy162/donnasimone/heartbloglovin_zpsf2af24f3.png" width="220" /></a>

BLOGLOVIN ROUND GREY

<a href=" http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/ BLOGLOVIN-ID"><img style="border: 0pt none ;" title="Follow with Bloglovin" alt="" src=" http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy162/donnasimone/roundgreybloglovinlabel_zps08f9ed61.png" width="45" height="45" /></a>

BLOGLOVIN ROUND RED

<a href=" http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/ BLOGLOVIN-ID"><img style="border: 0pt none ;" title="Follow with Bloglovin" alt="" src=" http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy162/donnasimone/roundredbloglovin_zpsf23402dd.png" width="45" height="45" /></a>

BLOGLOVIN ROUND BLACK

<a href=" http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/ BLOGLOVIN-ID"><img style="border: 0pt none ;" title="Follow with Bloglovin" alt="" src=" http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy162/donnasimone/roundblackbloglovin_zps65d49ebf.png" width="45" height="45" /></a>

BLOGLOVIN COFFEE

<a href=" http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/ BLOGLOVIN-ID"><img style="border: 0pt none ;" title="Follow with Bloglovin" alt="" src=" http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy162/donnasimone/roundblackbloglovin_zps65d49ebf.png" width="45" height="45" /></a>



MORE HELPFULNESS:

• Free (matching) Social Media Button Collections
• More of my Blog Tips and Freebies
• If you want a custom Bloglovin button go here

Tweet? Pin? Digg? (Social Media and Me)

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There are only so many hours in the day, right? Twenty Four Little Hours, as the song goes.
So much to do, so little time.
And if you read every article on Blogging and social media and tried to put into practise every bit of advice on how to grow your blog...? Well, you'd be chained to the computer night and day trying to keep up with all those social media platforms.
Tweeting and Facebooking, Flickring, Pinning, Digging and Stumbling Upon. You'd be Linked In and connected into BlogFrog communities, hashtagging on Instagram, not to mention trying to keep commenting on blogs, linking up with linkies, replying to comments and emails day in, day out.
There'd be no time left for actual real life (and you'd quickly run out of things to write about).

So what's a blogger to do?
How on earth do you keep up with all these social media thingammies?
Well, you don't.
You simply can't.
Or at least that's my experience.
It's not possible, unless you are basically blogging fulltime.

But if we want to put our blogs out there, if we want to connect with others and share what we have to say with as wide an audience as possible, social media is important. Or at least, USEFUL.
The thing is to put it all in perspective and figure out which platforms suit us best, and then focus our time and energy there. Then find ways to automate things so we can make use of other platforms, even if they're not really "us".

Social Media is a tool, not a taskmaster. We are in the driving seat, not the other way around.

I decided it might be helpful if I share my thought process with you, and what works for me. It might help clear away a few cobwebs for somebody.

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There are some Social Media platforms that I absolutely love. They are useful to me in my everyday life, they make my real life easier or more enjoyable.

Pinterest - now there's a platform I love.
I can create boards for each party I'm planning. I can pin all my own party stuff and tutorials there for other people to find too. I don't have to be on it every day. Or even every week. But sometimes I sit down for a giant pin-fest.
And Instagram. So pretty, so styley. Such a nice way to capture my own mini-stories and let friends know I came by, with two taps of the screen.

And let's not forget dear old Facebook, although this one I have mixed feelings about. Facebook is not what it once was. I have my personal (as-private-as-I-can get-it) profile, and a public page for my blog. All my blog posts get automagically posted to both my profile and my page, through the wonders of syndication (through Networked Blogs).

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I can hold conversations and chat in real time to my friends and blog pals. I can keep in touch with my friends relatives all round the world. So even though I am not best pleased with all the changes Facebook keeps making (and the fact that only 10% of those who have "liked" my page will get my posts in their feed, because Facebook changed the rules) I'll stick with FB... for now.

Those are the social media platforms I actually spend any time on.
But there are others which are really not my thing.

I've tried Twitter and I have to say, I just don't get it. It's not for me.
Maybe it's because I was slow to get a SmartPhone and kind of missed the point. Maybe it's because I'm a visual person and like pretty pictures. Or maybe I just use far too many words..? Whatever, I am not much of a Twitterer at all.

And don't get me started on Google+. I am still trying to figure out what Google's game is and what on earth the point is.
But just because I don't really get it, doesn't mean I'm going to avoid it altogether. Why?
Because even though it's not really "my thing" there are other people who are on Twitter all day long... and maybe there are even some people who actually hang out on Google+ too (though I'm yet to find them).

The others, like Linked In, I'm still figuring out. One of these days I might actually visit some Writers Groups and ask for some professional endorsements for me as a Writer, a Blogger, a Blog Designer (feel free to head over there and "endorse" away). It might come in handy one day. So I won't ignore it completely. I'll just put it on the back burner for a day when time is not so scarce.

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So just because my preference is for Pinterest and Instagram doesn't mean I completely ignore Twitter, Google+ and the rest.
What it means is that I will find a way to make sure people can find and follow me whatever their preferred platform. I can syndicate my posts to Twitter so die-hard Twits can see when something new pops up on my blog. I can click the "+1" button when I publish a new post, so those brave souls who are lurking around on the G+ frontier can see what's new around here too.

To sum up, here's my advice.
If you want to grow your blog and connect with an audience, don't ignore social media, but don't let it take over your life and keep you running in circles either.
Figure out which platforms suit you, then automate the other processes so you're accessible and findable... and then switch off the darn computer, make a cup of coffee and go put your feet up. Like I'm about to do right now...

Cool Tools:

• Networked Blogs for syndicating your posts automatically to Facebook and Twitter
• The button at the bottom of posts: click that little baby to up your ranking in Google searches, as well as share to Google+ . Downside: you need a Google+ account to use it. (Feel free to click that thing whenever you come by...!)
• All the ways you can follow or contact me, however it suits you...

How about You? What's YOUR take on Social Media???
.............
[All images found on and embedded from Pinterest. Just one more reason I love it]