Epilogue: We All Survived

 

Hello, dear reader. Here I am popping back up to write one final blog post, more than three years after my last entry. I kept thinking that inspiration would strike and I'd keep writing here sporadically about things that inspired or moved me, but I didn't.

And now here I am, one week away from having an empty nest.

Yes, that's right - by this time next week, the last of my babies will be out in the world, standing on their own two feet, living their lives and pursuing their dreams. The youngest is heading to Wellington to study. My girl went flatting last year, and my eldest left home ages ago. So this is it - I'm closing the book on my parenting journey. I'll always be a mum, and have my door open and food or beds or help ready whenever it's needed, but my day-to-day job as a hands-on parent is done. 

So I thought you deserved an epilogue. 

Not just so I can boast a bit as a proud mum, but also because it got pretty gnarly there for a while, so I wanted to leave you with some hope that if we can survive, anyone can. 

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Youth Mental Health Crisis - A Parent's Survival Guide

It has long been known that New Zealand has the worst youth suicide rate of all 41 OECD nations - here in Godzone our young people are struggling. The pandemic surely made things worse - isolation, disruption to lives, friendships, sports, and the added pressure of trying to learn online heaped extra weight on our kids. So many young people are battling with hopelessness, overwhelm, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression and major anxiety. 

Having a child who is struggling with their mental health, watching your precious kid in intense emotional and mental pain is surely one of the worst things a parent can go through. Knowing how to respond, how to help and support them through it can be a confusing and lonely struggle. (Sadly, there is still so much stigma around mental illness, and it can be hard to reach out for help).

I am writing this from the trenches, for fellow parents of young people who are struggling. For the past four years, this has been my battle too. And now finally, I can see clear water ahead, and feel like I can share what I've learned.

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53 and Grateful...

I am fifty-three years old today. Yep, it's my birthday and I am content.

To my faithful readers, sorry I haven't written on my blog for nearly a whole year, even though there are many deep stories I want to share. Some are not quite finished baking yet. But in the meantime, before I go a whole 365 days without writing, I want to share a situation status update.

Today on my 53rd birthday I feel rich, even though there's only $5.43 in my bank account (Monday is payday, we'll make it stretch.)

I am so grateful for where I am at right now...

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Reconstructing

Today, I have to write.

It’s a beautiful spring day here in Auckland. The house is peaceful, though teenagers and dogs abound. And I want to write.

Sometimes I get that urge, the need to sit down and just start pouring words out from my soul. It’s been a while. There are several deep, difficult topics I’ve been mulling over, but I’m not going to attempt those today.

Something is stirring, maybe prompted by the sunshine, and I just want to see where this goes.

The Christian faith has always loomed large in my life.

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When Christmas is Hard (Facing the Season after Loss)

Christmas was always my favourite time of the year – until I found myself facing Christmas as a sole parent in 2016.

Five years on, I can look back from a new perspective where the grief has healed and the loss no longer stings. We have settled in to our new normal, and can reminisce about our awesome Christmases as a “whole family” without an ache.

But I remember that first Christmas and my heart goes out to those of you who are facing your own first Christmas after a devastating loss.

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Another Groundhog Day in Lockdown

I know I'm better off than many others, enduring this endless Delta lockdown in Auckland.

I have a job which I can do from home.

I have a home, internet access, a car.

My children are teenagers so my work doesn't get interrupted too often.

But also: I have a job, a home, and teenagers, on my own.

I know I am half-arsing two-out-of-three of my responsibilities - because, let's be honest: I can't do it all.

I'm on top of my job, still producing quality work. But my home and my kids are not getting my best.

There's something about lockdown that saps my energy. I feel nagging guilt about all the tasks I leave undone and even more guilt about the way I am parenting in all this: barely.

We are survivors clinging to a raft afloat on a very lonely sea waiting for a glimpse of the longed-for shore - Level 2.

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On Edge

I am on edge and I need to vent the best way I know how.

I need to somehow clarify and articulate what it is that has me pent up like a pipe about to burst. In my body I feel the tension, every nerve screams.

It's this lockdown. This endless, mind-numbing, soul-sapping lockdown.

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