53 and Grateful...

I am fifty-three years old today. Yep, it's my birthday and I am content.

To my faithful readers, sorry I haven't written on my blog for nearly a whole year, even though there are many deep stories I want to share. Some are not quite finished baking yet. But in the meantime, before I go a whole 365 days without writing, I want to share a situation status update.

Today on my 53rd birthday I feel rich, even though there's only $5.43 in my bank account (Monday is payday, we'll make it stretch.)

I am so grateful for where I am at right now...

So grateful for my three beloved kids (seen here being dorks in a parking building). Three giant teenagers, towering over me. This birthday they have showered me with love, but the coolest thing is that it's not just one day. I feel like I have truly great relationships with each of them. We talk. (They talk, I listen. Sometimes they ask for my advice!)

I like them as people. When I think of them, and the things they said to me last night as we sat around the table for sausies and soda on my Birthday Eve... warm glow in chest. My top Love Language is "words of affirmation", so they poured out those words, filling my cup. 

I told them, "I feel so sad for all those other mamas who don't get to have you guys for their kids."

 "Mum, you always say that!" Yeah, cos it's true.

Now, I am not saying that these are perfect kids, no. There are many struggles, we have had to battle to get where we are now. But that just makes this all the sweeter.

Grateful for my amazing friends. A few of "the girls" are coming over tonight for simple drinks and nibbles. They are the best, there's been so much love, honesty, grit and generosity in my life thanks to my friends. You know who you are.

And my work - six and a half years in grant writing for a few different charities, but my current job is more like a calling, and my workmates are more like family.  I get up every day and work in a place with a sea view, and the best bunch of people ever.

In no particular order I am also grateful for:

My parents (who have fought off illness and injury in recent years, but are still starry-eyed in-love with each other. My youngest says he hopes to one day have the kind of love Nan and Grandad have.)

My stupid doggies. Even though both of them fart up the place constantly, and the little one still eats my special sh*t when she's bored. So. Many. Cushions.

My home. How blessed that in a housing crisis I have an actually affordable mortgage, on a home I love. With character, light, space. And a garden that somebody else tends. (A neighbour loves gardening but has no garden; I have a garden but suck at gardening. She gardens, I have flowers. We are both happy).

My faith. It has been deconstructed down to the ground and is slowly, slowly being reconstructed into something that is real and genuine, without all the religious frills. God has never let me down - people have, but not Him. The Jesus I see in the Gospels is somebody worth following. I like him, I love him. (And I also love The Chosen. Season 3 is nearly here!)

My mental health. All the battles with depression, anxiety, ADHD, trauma - me and my kids - have taken the best part of the last six years. We have learned a lot. We have good tools, we are blessed with all of the above - and we are still standing.

We get knocked down, tripped up, but we keep getting up. We encourage each other, we try to support each other, we listen to each other. And we are still here.

Happy birthday to me. I'm 53 and I'm OK. 

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