31 January 2010


Thankyou so much everyone who left me messages and who also prayed for me over the last day or so. You'll be glad to know I am feeling so much better, and I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with your prayers.

I wrote that post about the Black Dog, because I have never tried to put it into words how I feel while I am in that state... and I really needed those close to me to understand. I wrote it first in Word, just to let it out.
Then I decided to post it here.

From so many messages and emails I know I'm not alone in this battle... there are so many of us who have faced down the Black Dog.

I think the thing that scares me the most is what that mongrel may do to my family, what scars he may leave.

I thought a lot about Cat's comment: What would happen if you stopped running? I guess feeling of "running" is a sense of panic because everything around me seems to jar my senses, causing me to scream in pain and anger. Stillness is the antidote... a hard commodity to find in a house full of boisterous children.

On the practical side, I had run out of medication a couple of days earlier, and was seemingly fine... until Friday afternoon when all of a sudden I was Not Fine. I managed to call my doctor and get an emergency prescription faxed through to my pharmacy before the Long Weekend.

By last night I was calmer, after a quiet day.
Mr G was very supportive and seemed to understand better what was happening after reading my post. This morning I put on some Music, the kind that is like Soul Medicine. It soothed me further and I felt my heart lift and knew that the black thing was behind me.

I was thinking what I should have done in the moment was call in The Dog Whisperer. I called my mum... I should have called Jesus first.
I should have put on that Music sooner. Maybe I could have painted. I was alone in the house with the kids and Mr G was still at work with his phone off and I felt all alone with that mongrel.
But Thankyou, my friends who called out for me. Thanks for shouting at the Black Dog on my behalf.

That Mutt is safely locked away again.

The Songs that Soothed Me...

From My Redeemer Lives by Nicole C Mullins
The very same God that spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory
Now I know, my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I know My Redeemer lives...

Carry Me Away by JuliaGrace
i climb a mountain with no summit
i race without a finish line
test the depths of endless water
live out the sentence that is mine
i'm the waterfall that's burst and now we're drowning
i'm the heart that learnt to beat just as it broke
i'm the voice that's frozen into silence
i'm the song that my spirit never wrote
carry me away, carry me away

i know much more than I am feeling
i win more battles than i lose
i'm taller now than when i suffered
i've gained ability to choose
i'm the child that will not leave the hand that holds me
i'm the heart that learns to beat in time with truth
i'm the complicated picture of humanity
i'm the spirit that is full of you

and if i stay here, will you comfort me
if the tears fall down, will you rescue me

carry me away, carry me away
to a dream that was almost fading
carry me away, carry me away
i know you, you're strong enough to save me

Top Photo & Paintings from my Visual Journal
Other Photos from GoogleImages

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PaisleyJade said...

My heart is so glad - keeping you in my prayers... yay!!

GypsyFox said...

I'm not sure what your going through, but I will keep you in my prayers, you have a beautiful blog

GypsyFox said...

I'm not sure what your going through, but I will keep you in my prayers, you have a beautiful blog

Sammy said...

Yay Simoney, yay! Thank you for writing so we can see in and understand. So glad you are doing better xxx

Anonymous said...

tears...I have tears of relief for you
I will sleep better tonight knowing that you are at peace....
you are never alone
what a comfort that is

Gail said...

Awesome Simone. So glad to read this!!!!


Anonymous said...

Glad today was a good one.

Widge said...

Glad you're feeling better Simone!!!
love and hugs xo

count it all joy said...

Get down, James Brown! (That's what we say in our house when something truly wonderful happens.)
Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. Meredy xo.

Unknown said...

I'm so glad you are feeling better today, Simoney! I will continue to pray for you. Keep that worship music going.


Sophie said...

So glad that you've found some relief Simoney. Rest well, sleep, catch your breath, simply BE in the arms of the Father, safe in the knowledge he is protecting you and he's protecting the family too. Lots of love and a big hug to you.

Penny said...

So glad to see you're feeling better, Simone! Thanks for sharing, that can't have been easy

Lyns said...

So so glad you are feeling better. Have been thinking of you a lot. And thanks for the song links, Julia Grace has an amazing voice.

kestrel said...

Never feel alone as your friends and family will always be there for you. Sometimes you need to reach out for others to help. Most of the time, we have been taught to be be strong adn do it on our own, but there is nothing wrong with reaching out. My friends have kept me sane all the years, you will be in my prayers

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