08 June 2010

Never Ever...

Here's some things I've learnt in life never ever to do. I learnt them all the hard way...

Never ever believe your family when they tell you,
"It's not there I looked."
Trust me, it's there, whatever it is.
...Your husband's jumper in the basket right where you said (but under something else)
...Your daughter's School jacket in her closet right where you said (but fallen off the hanger)
...Your son's football socks in his drawers right where you said (but it required actually opening the drawers)
...Your toddler's missing gumboot in the hallway right where you said (but not with a flashing sign)

Be thankful that you have super-mummy sonar. And you know how to look properly. With your eyes open.

Never ever leave scissors where a pre-schooler can find them.
Even if you think you're safe you probably aren't, especially at someone else's house. And one day your daughter will appear at the door with chunks taken out of her hair by a young "hairdresser" friend. If you are pregnant at the time you will probably cry. Luckily you can't see a few years into the future to where she cuts it again all by herself. This time there's nothing the world's best hairdresser could do to salvage the mess. This time she has cut off her fringe... shaved it right off. Then you will really have something to cry about.

Be thankful that hair grows back. Eventually.


Never ever leave your makeup purse within reach.
Of anybody.
Even if you think it's out of reach it probably isn't. Your toddler can stretch further than you realise. And even if think you're safe because you've closed your bedroom door, your five-year-old can reach the handle. And if you've also left your bottom drawer open, you can count on some extra washing when she knocks over your bottle of foundation and it drips all through your clothes.
Be thankful for soap. And automatic washing machines.

Never ever growl at your kids while reversing your car.
The eyes in the back of your head don't work inside moving vehicles. You will probably end up crashing into a power pole you didn't know was there. And crunching the bumper to heck.
Be thankful for Insurance. And gracious husbands.

Never ever say Never.
You'll probably have to eat your words.
...the guy you said you weren't interested in will probably become the father of your children
...you will probably hear your mother's voice every time you tell off your kids
...your baby might only ever settle with a dummy
...your kids will be the ones terrorising entertaining the other passengers, no matter how many treats you pack
...your children will have minds of their own and may actually want to join Running Club
Be thankful for unexpected love. Be thankful for previous generations, for silicone, for headphones.
Most of all be thankful for time, and second chances and forgiveness.
And life. Be thankful for life. It's a wonderful thing.

(What have you learnt to never ever do??)

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Helen said...

Never ever say you will refuse to limit yourself to two children...two children might be the absolute limit! lol =P Great post!

PaisleyJade said...

Such a good post Simoney!

My kids were never going to be those kids that drew on walls... uh oh!

My kids weren't going to have dummy's - um, 4 kids with dummy's later...

I was not going to marry that Symon Drake boy... um...

haha - my list could go on and on!!

Weza said...

Hahaha this is fabulous. I am a statement maker. My kids will never...
But you know what... THEY HAVE!!!

Dalia - Gen X Mom said...

You said it perfect....and I love the photos!

Ann Kroeker said...

How could I possible top these? The only things coming to mind are boring by comparison:

Never say, "Our dog never eats food off the table." That's the day he consumes an entire stick of butter from the butter dish.

Never assume your newly potty-trained child is fully potty trained. Bring along a change of clothes. For months and months. And then be gracious and subtle when the inevitable accident occurs.

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