Hello, dear reader. Here I am popping back up to write one final blog post, more than three years after my last entry. I kept thinking that inspiration would strike and I'd keep writing here sporadically about things that inspired or moved me, but I didn't.
And now here I am, one week away from having an empty nest.
Yes, that's right - by this time next week, the last of my babies will be out in the world, standing on their own two feet, living their lives and pursuing their dreams. The youngest is heading to Wellington to study. My girl went flatting last year, and my eldest left home ages ago. So this is it - I'm closing the book on my parenting journey. I'll always be a mum, and have my door open and food or beds or help ready whenever it's needed, but my day-to-day job as a hands-on parent is done.
So I thought you deserved an epilogue.
Not just so I can boast a bit as a proud mum, but also because it got pretty gnarly there for a while, so I wanted to leave you with some hope that if we can survive, anyone can.
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| Then and now(ish): From babies to young adults - picture (right) with Grandma |
A long time ago in the middle of all the parenting drama, I set the bar for myself pretty low and achievable: my goals were (1) that all my kids are still alive and (2) none of them are criminals or sociopaths. I'm not even joking. Things were pretty grim there for a while.
We had to contend with not only the usual teenage trials, ADHD/dyslexia, divorce, financial struggles (I've been made redundant twice), and the Covid lockdowns, but also the aftermath of some pretty difficult family trauma that resulted in serious mental health battles and made life really, really hard. Home was not always a fun place to be.
But we survived!!!! I kind of want to shout that fact from the rooftops.
We made it! We did it! We're ALL OK.
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| Eldest to youngest with Nan and Grandad a few Christmases ago |
Here's what we achieved in spite of ourselves:
- Everyone survived school (this was no simple feat - the ADHD is strong with these ones)
- Everyone has a job (so proud that my kids are all employable and have a good work ethic!)
- Everyone has their drivers license (my 20-hours-a-week taxi days are over!)
- Everyone is still talking to me (it got dicey there for a bit with a couple of them)
- Everyone has good mental health (something that has been hard won by each of them)
- Every one of them is a good human being - this is what I am most proud of.
When I started writing this blog my eldest son was five-and-a-half, my girl had just turned four and my youngest was 8 months old. As I close this chapter, they are 23, 21 and 17.
Where are they now?
The eldest (AKA "Dash")
This guy is doing amazing. He has channeled his love of sport into a career in the fitness industry. He's already a qualified Strength and Conditioning coach, working as a personal trainer, but is also doing a Bachelor in Sports Management at AUT. He's so fit and strong, healthy, motivated, and disciplined! (He also coaches kids football). He has made all this happen for himself, finding "his thing" and excelling at it. He has been nagging encouraging me to do something about my (lack of) health and fitness, and I have finally started going aquajogging and I'm sticking at it, so he is proud of me. My boy is so brave and strong and honest and handsome and 100% himself. I am so proud of him!
The Girl (AKA "Miss Fab")
The Youngest (AKA "Scrag")
This lad was a wee baby when I started writing this blog in 2008. Now he is nearly 18, 6'4 tall and a truly beautiful human being. He has always been a bit of an "old soul", with a head on his shoulders wiser than his years. He's the guy that all his friends go to for advice. He just found out he passed Year13 with Level 3 NCEA, University Entrance, and a merit endorsement in Psychology - not bad for a boy with ADHD and Dyslexia!!! So next Saturday I'll be waving him off to university in Wellington to do a Bachelor in Applied Counselling. This young man has known for years what he wants to do - to train as a counsellor to help kids who are doing it tough - to be the counsellor he wished he'd had when he was a struggling young lad. I could cry sometimes with how amazed I am at him - I will miss him sooooo much! My boy is so kind and caring and funny and clever and gorgeous and tallllllll. I am so proud of him.
Me (the soon-to-be empty nester)
As for me, well, I can't quite believe I'm here. We made it. Everybody is OK!! Phew.
I'll be OK on my own, I still have the doggies, Indie and Clyde, and they are great company. Plus I'm still recovering from the last 10 years, so the peace and quiet is actually kinda nice. I just need my nervous system to recover from all the years of cortisol/adrenaline overload from living from one crisis to the next (LOL).
I'm older and heavier but wiser, and kinder to myself. Although I no longer attend church, my faith in Jesus is real and alive (and I still really love The Chosen). I have meaningful work in a beautiful community where I contribute my gifts and get the support, awhi and encouragement I need to grow as a person. (If you want to see what I'm doing these days, this is the website I have created for our organisation: www.whakamanaora.com).
When I look back, particularly over the last 10 years, I am grateful for so much.
Recording everything here, sharing our ups and downs, our learnings and our struggles has helped me capture moments that would otherwise be lost to the fog of my really, really bad memory. Thank goodness I wrote it all down!
The parties, memories and fun traditions we created helped redeem some pretty dark years. Thanks to this blog, we will always be able to keep those memories, so it isn't going anywhere. I'll always be popping back here to reminisce about when life was chaotic and noisy and messy and I didn't know how I'd ever get through - but somehow I did.
My season of adding to this blog has come to an end now, with this the final chapter.
Thank you for being part of our story.
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