A Tribute to my Daughter on the Eve of her 13th Birthday

My fabulous girl is turning thirteen on Friday. THIRTEEN.
She's nearly as tall as I am, wears the same size shoes and is, simply put, gorgeous.
It's always a super-busy week pre-party but I didn't want this occasion to pass by without me marking it with some kind of a written tribute, because that's what I do. I write stuff. I like to reflect on the passing of time, and plant a few marker stones along the way. I like to look back and say, wow, look how far we've come.
And we have come a really long way. When I started writing this blog nine years ago my girl was a feisty four-year-old.
I've got nine years of her life recorded here in case the details get a little fuzzy with my encroaching old age (haha).
Let the record show that my daughter is Brave. She is Strong. She is Hilarious.
As she gets older I see more and more clearly what an amazing person she is -  look out world, here she comes.
One of the bravest people I know.
One of the funniest people I know.

A girl with a big heart and an outsized sense of justice. Watch out if you get on the wrong side of her - bullies beware. She'll take you on whatever your size. She's been doing it for years.

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How to throw a party for your teenager (the easy way)

When it comes to birthday parties, I am usually known for going over the top with party prep and creativity. For years this blog has offered tips, ideas and how to's on how to create themed birthday parties that your kid will look forward to for months and reminisce about for years.

This is not one of those parties. Those days are gone - at least when it comes to my eldest son, anyway.
These days we are teenagers; we are not little kids any more. We want our birthday parties to be "chill" and "lit". (Oldie speak = "cool" and "legit" - I think???)

Last weekend I managed to pull off a pretty "lit" party quite successfully, without embarrassing my brand-new 14-year-old - and it was really easy. Here's what ya do...

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A Coming of Age Celebration (Turning 13)

A long time ago - so long ago that I can't even remember when it was - I remember hearing Ian Grant (from Parents Inc) talk about the importance of creating "marker points" for our children as they grow.

He remarked that our culture doesn't do this particularly well, we have no Bar Mitzvahs or coming of age ceremonies to mark the point where a child becomes an adult. This leaves teenagers drifting, acting like overgrown children, when in so many other cultures they are seen as young men and women from the age of 13.

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An Outdoor Movie Party

We like to make a fuss for birthdays round here, for the big kids grown-ups as much as the younguns, and today is my husband's birthday.

For many a year I've been wanting to hold a Pinterest-worthy outdoor movie party, complete with lanterns in trees and friends snuggled under rugs on beanbags, watching a classic movie under the stars.
Last year I planned to do it for my own birthday, but life, overseas trips and weather got in the way.
This year when I asked the husband what he wanted to do for his 42nd birthday, he offered to fulfill my wish for a Movie Party, even though it wasn't exactly his idea of fun.

[Not enough Y's or R's to write "Happy Birthday Rory" on my Typo sign! Rocky is my hubby's midlife crisis name tho, so it's all good]

(My husband is very social and watching a movie on his birthday is not his idea of a good time. But he offered to do this theme because his mission trip to the Philippines upset my birthday movie party plans back in November.)

My idea was to show a movie we all know and love, something funny and familiar which wouldn't need to be watched intensely but which we could dip in and out of as we sat under the stars munching popcorn/jaffas/icecream and laughing with friends on beanbags.

With the theme decided, the Pinterest board running hot, a borrowed movie projector stashed away and movie party ideas flowing thick and fast, the only thing which could thwart a gorgeous evening of movie watching and popcorn munching was... the Auckland weather.

[I hung up one of our woven checked mats to keep the rain and wind out, plus another went on the floor - made it cosy]

Silly me. What was I thinking? An outdoor movie party in Autumn? In Auckland??? When it has been fine for weeks??? Now that's just asking for trouble.

Yep. Sure enough, a week out, the weather forecast was not looking pretty. I could stay in denial and cling to my plans/hopes OR I could face reality and come up with a workable Plan B. Because, really, who wants to watch a movie outside in the pouring rain? It just aint no fun at all.

[I played with vintage signs in Photoshop and got these cuties printed and framed; the bunting is SEWN by me. That's a first!]

By the end of the week a Plan B was definitely needed. The predicted rain was inescapable.
I won't bore you with all the permutations of Possible Plan B's - suffice it to say that we ended up with a compromise. Part Outdoor Movie-themed party; part Indoor movie (which only the kids ended up watching).

[MOVIE PARTY FOOD & DRINK: Lemonade & Sangria; cupcakes, popcorn & potato chips]

Sometimes you just have to surrender to Plan B and make the best of it. Sure I was disappointed that there was no cosy beanbag-movie-watching under the stars. (My day will come. One day I'll pull it off. ONE DAY!)

[The birthday boy meets my cousin Cheryl and contemplates the rain on the roof while we wait for guests to arrive...]

See, the main thing that makes a party a success is not the styling. It's not the decor, the themed food or the clever little touches that most people won't even notice.
No. The main thing - the most IMPORTANT thing - is that the birthday person feels sufficiently celebrated and that everyone who comes has a good time.
By that definition our Outdoor (sort-of) Movie Party was a raving success.

[Amazing six-layer chocolate cake made by the clever and awesome Ella-Talei]

The birthday boy had a fab time hanging out with his mates having an epic spontaneous darts championship.
The female contingent had a fab time hanging out in a cosy lantern-lit corner of the carport  movie-themed pavilion. The kids watched a movie or two on the big screen (inside)...

Everyone ate popcorn and drank (decaf) coffee, sangria, lemonade (and beer or two). There were MNMs, Jaffas, tangy fruits and oddfellows. Cupcakes and chips. And popcorn. Lots and lots of popcorn.

We stayed dry, we were cosy. We had fun. And it all looked fab too. 

Happy birthday husband!

xxx

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PARTY STYLING: 

I used lots of red, white and gold. Trays, crates, black and white prints of movie posters, borrowed glassware, bunting. Lots of lights, lanterns and candles, cushions and old wool blankets made the outdoor space feel cosy. The black and white checked mats are the ones we use for camping (we own three); they were purchased from an Asian emporium years ago and come in handy for so many things!

• The walls were decorated with retro Movie Posters, which I found online, played around with in Photoshop, turned B&W and printed cheaply at Warehouse Stationery for .40c each on thick A3 paper. I stuck them up with gold striped washi tape.
• Retro "concession" prints were also found online tweaked in Photoshop, printed in colour and framed using cheap re-usable frames I had bought for $7 from Bed Bath and Beyond. 
• Trays, crates, tablecloths, lights and bunting have all been re-used from earlier parties. 
• Gold bunting was the string type bought from Typo which I sewed into thick bias binding (and now looks so much better)
• Rope jar lanterns are from Kmart. 
• Treat bags, serviettes, cupcake wrappers and chevron cups are all from Look Sharp.
• Food was simply movie concession treats (classic chocolates, lollies (like jaffas, tangy fruits, maltesers & MnMs), popcorn, chips, plus cupcakes) and the usual drinks, including our party faves Old Fashioned Lemonade and Sangria.

This is Not a Party Post (I have a 12 year old )

I didn't realise (nobody told me) that hosting a party for twelve years olds is just not the same as doing parties for younger children.
The kids are different - they're "Cooler" (as in: "Don't be too enthusiastic in case someone thinks you actually want to be here"; "Don't look an adult in the eye or do anything more than grunt when they greet you, they might expect you to talk to them.")

Dash, bless him, did try to warn me, kind of.
He said months ago, before I was knee deep in mockingjays and district symbols, "Mum, kids my age don't really have theme parties; maybe I could just have a few friends over..."
Did I listen? NO, course not.
I replied, "Son, nobody your age has theme parties because their parents don't know how to do them like we do. Trust me, your friends will love it!"

[The Birthday Boy helped me make the cardboard cornucopia]

Later, when I pulled out the pink wig I bought to wear as Effie Trinkett... Dash was in horrors.
"NO mum! PLEASE don't dress up as Effie Trinkett! It would be so embarrassing!"
"What??? But I'm going to be Effie and I'm going to make Dad be Caesar Flickerman... it will be funny!"
"Noooooo mum! Seriously, I'd be so embarrassed!"

I put the pink wig back in the drawer, sadly. No Effie Trinkett. No Caesar Flickerman. We are dealing with Tweens, who are highly sensitive to embarrassment. I didn't know - but I do now.

I put in loads of work on this party - partly because I LOVE Hunger Games and was having a blast coming up with the ideas, and partly because I really wanted my (easily embarrassed) son to have the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. Of course.

But it turns out that I needn't have bothered, really.
Not that his friends didn't like it, they did. Apparently. From the txts I got from parents later.
Just at the time, you'd never know it.

Then yesterday one of Dash' friends was over and he said to me, "Simone, that was the best party EVER on Saturday!" and my heart lept.
THIS is why I do the parties, make a fuss creating the atmosphere, spend weeks on  creating all the details...
So what did this boy love so much about the party...? I couldn't wait to hear. Was it the hand stamped district bands? The Capitol Water Bottles? The stencilled Mockingjay victor's bags...?

"The water fight! It was AWESOME! We got to just throw water at each other and go crazy... it was THE BEST!"

The water fight. Not the party Mellark Bakery signs, or the stencilled Mockingjays or the cardboard cornucopia... just the chance to throw water at each other.
Ha. there you go Simone, let that be a lesson to ya!

I have a twelve year old son. His friends are tweens of various stripes.
Some we know, some we don't know at all.
Some we have a great relationship with and have known before they were "cool" (THOSE are the ones who would have enjoyed Effie and Caesar making an appearance).
Others we've only recently met, some just on the day (the ones who wouldn't look us in the eye, who acted like they didn't want to appear like they were having too much fun).

I learnt a lot from this birthday, and I now know that after a certain point, everything changes.
We're at that point now.
Dash has probably had his LAST theme party. Waaaaaaah :(
He doesn't WANT theme parties any more.

He said months ago (and I quote), "Mum I think I'm getting too old for theme parties..."
And I said, "But Dash! Theme parties are what I DO! It's what I'm good at! Just think of all the cool themes we can do now you're older... Survivor, Amazing Race, Fear Factor..."

What I was really thinking was "Don't cut off my source of blog material! Don't tell me it's over!"

This weekend we pulled off a party that (on the surface of it) was cool in every detail but somehow just lacked the .... heart. The buzzy feeling of celebrating with your son's besties on his special day in a way that is super fun. The kind of party that leaves you with a warm fuzzy feeling.

That's what parties are for.
Somehow, whether it was that the numbers were too big (12?!), that a number of the usual long-time friends couldn't make it and there were a bunch of kids we didn't know, or whether the few "too cool" kids that walked in looking unimpressed loomed too large in my mind... I don't know.

(Though they don't look unenthusiastic in this IG selfie and the birthday boy called it an "unforgettable day")

I just know that I won't be doing that again. Not on that scale. Not for that many. Not for this age group.
Next year, just a couple of besties. No party. Just a celebration.
And guess what? My twelve year old is super happy with that plan.
I'm half sad and half relieved.

Bottom line, I have a twelve year old son and everything's different. He's seriously growing up.


Happy 12th birthday Dash.
YOU ARE AWESOME.
.................

DISCLAIMER: The Hunger Games Party Posts will follow soon... because even if it wasn't my favourite-feeling party, it was still AWESOME. And I did work my butt off. And Dash called it an Unforgettable Day.

The Stories I Can't Tell...

Here on my blog I try to be honest, to be upfront, to share my foibles and failures as well as my successes. I'd hate anyone to think I'm trying to make out like any kind of expert - far from it! I'm a fellow struggler like you, sharing my shortcuts, hoping to make your way a little easier and encourage you with the knowledge that you're not alone.
I don't mind sharing my weaknesses, my battles, my failures and my flops.
I am not trying to convince anyone that I have my life all together, or that I'm alright, thanks Jack.
You'll know this about me if you've spent longer than five minutes here.

But there are some struggles I can't share, some stories I can't tell.
Why?
Because those stories are simply not mine to tell.

Those stories belong to my loved ones and I can't share them without their permission.
(Likewise when it comes to my marriage, I choose to live by the maxim: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I try to keep it positive while acknowledging that marriage is hard work).

Consequently there are vast chunks of my life which remains unwritten, unblogged.
It was simpler when the children were young.
They didn't read and they didn't care who else was reading.
All they knew was that mummy took way too many photos of them and that they were just a little bit famous on her blog.

I was free to write amusingly on tantrums in the mall, toilet training and sibling rivalry, confident that their pseudonyms and my security settings would protect their anonymity from future employee background checks.

My kids are growing up and we are into all-new territory.
These days they and their friends are online-savvy. They all have school gmail accounts, they're on Instagram (private of course) and some of their friends even follow me. They can all read. They are easily embarrassed. They don't want their private lives splashed all over the interwebs.

So when they hit puberty, you won't read about it here. When they suffer boy or girl trouble, even though I'm sure I will give them great advice (and it would make an interesting read), their private pain won't be turned into a blog post.

I may struggle with their tantrums almost as often as I did when they were little but as riveting as it may be, there won't be a blog post titled "Toddlerish Tantrums Terrorise Tweendom" any time soon.
We have all kinds of spectrum complications in the mix making social relationships complex and emotions run high, but you won't read the details of that here either.

It's not because I want to edit my life to give the impression that my offspring are angels (they're not, believe me) - it's because I am trying to respect my kids' privacy.

On a few occasions I have actually put the case to the kids, asking them to let me share our family's "spectrum" struggles on here .

"It will encourage other mums who have kids the same. It will let people know they're not alone...," I cajoled them.
"Nope."
"Why not? You told your whole class?!"
"Because that's just my class. If you write it on your blog, then the whole world will know!"

(They think the whole world reads my blog. Bless.)

So yeah. There are some stories you're just not ever gonna read on here. Unless I turn this blog private. (Ha! that'll never happen).Or unless my kids change their minds. (Pigs might fly. We live in hope.)

It's probably better this way, or I might become one of those bloggers who overshares. I mean, do you REALLY want the stories about potty training? Periods? Pimples?
I can still be honest and real without dishing all the details on those things can't I?
Course I can. There's still plenty of blog material available without me having to expose my dearest darlings' private struggles.

There's the endless (but unembarrassing) anecdotes about their awesome achievements; there's the funny things they (still) say and do; there's all the ways I try (and sometimes fail) to be a good mum; there's our sugar free journey and all the recipes we're discovering. There's faith and family and friendship and fun.

And there's always the parties. There will ALWAYS be the parties.

PHOTOS THIS POST: From our Light and Bright party held last Saturday night, a lovely relaxed BBQ with too-many-kids-to-count, a lolly scramble, twinkle lights a-plenty and even scrounged up a couple of boxes of fireworks (before they went on sale a day later). I do love this time of the year, before it goes cray-cray.

BLOG POSTS FROM THE OLDEN DAYS BEFORE THE KIDS COULD READ...
Ten Worst Mothering Moments
Facts of Life
Broke Heart - Puppy love
Brothers and Sisters (sibling rivalry)

A Fishy Tale (grief and loss)

No Way, Sharpay! (Media influence)

Wardrobe Wars (clothes!!!)
The View from Wits End (behaviour battles)

.......

If you blog (or are on social media) do you have a "policy" about privacy and how much you'll share? Where do you "draw the line"?

A Fabulous Girly Sleepover Party

I now have a ten year old daughter, and this is how we celebrated - with a Fabulous Girly Sleepover.

All my girl wanted was "a sleepover with my friends from school and a chocolate fountain..." so I did my best to make it special. Ten is, after all, a pretty big milestone. Double digits and all that.

With daddy and big brother out of town for the weekend, we arranged a sleepover for little brother too, so it could be "just the girls". I also arranged for my brave friend Linda to join me/help me, which she was more than willing to do (once I bribed her with the promise of a chocolate fountain).

The birthday girl wanted the decor simple "just bunting, mum", so I ditched the elaborate schemes for chalkboard murals and  silver star strands that I had tortured myself with.

I made everything pretty, soft and on-theme with bedding. Flannelette sheets, vintage pillowcases, woollen blankets and lots of pillows. Everything was pastel and pretty and made you think of SLEEP (girly sleepovers should really be called wakeovers, but one can always hope??!)

After I made a giant cosy bed on the floor with dragged-in mattresses, the couches were swathed in sheets, the vintage-sheet bunting (made by the lovely Deb) was strung and every pillow in the house was called into service, along with my Typo lanterns, old teddies and a brand new photo board...

It's a sleepover party. It could be as plain or as pretty as you want (I choose pretty;  no surprises there).

Our guests started arriving at 3pm and that's when the squealing started. Horrors - I could see my friend Linda looking at me thinking, "What have I got myself in for?" and I must admit, I was wondering the same. (A bunch of excited tween girls can be ear-shatteringly loud and I was just grateful we'd trimmed the guest list from ten down to six). I made coffee and hung out with my mummy friends while the birthday girl squealed and bounced around with hers...

We had afternoon tea, to kick things off properly.

My take on Red Velvet Cupcakes (Miss Fab's fave) and strawberry milk. The icing roses are made by me, oh yes they are. Aren't they pretty? Deceptively easy too.

Miss Fab, her friend Yaz and I made the roses after school one day, just for fun.

One of the best things about sleepover parties is the chance to simply hang out with your friends for a nice satisfying chunk of time. 

Really, all girls of this age want to do is hang out - bash each other with pillows from time to time, sure - but mostly just hang out.

I had a bunch of games up my sleeve, games we play around the fire like "truth or dare" "circles and triangles" plus "indoor spotlight", just in case the girls got bored. They didn't. We didn't play one single game.

But there was A LOT of Looming... (thank heavens for looms, I say. Once the looms came out the noise level went from fever-pitch to blissful, which reassured poor Linda that she wasn't completely mad for agreeing to help me).

I provided a gazillion loom bands and had asked the girls to come with their looms. I had a few cheap $2 looms lurking too just in case someone forgot theirs (which some did). The room was a hive of industry. 

I'd labelled paper bags with each girl's name for them to collect their creations in. Inside was also a "friendship" loom band made by Miss fab for each of her friends, along with a little handwritten note...

While the girls "loomed" me and Linda drank endless cups of tea and hung out; I made the pizza dough in a very relaxed fashion. It was all so positively civilised that it gave me hope that maybe - just maybe - I might actually get some sleep tonight.

Dinner was homemade individual pizzas, with my favourite pizza dough recipe as the base. After the dough had risen, I cut it into eight lumps for each of the girls (plus me and Linda) to shape into our own pizza base.

The mini-pizzas were laid out four-to-a-tray lined with baking paper, with each person's name written beside it, so there'd be minimal mix-ups.

The girls came into the kitchen two-at-a-time and created their personal pizza with their choice of toppings. (We had shaved ham, pineapple, salami, chorizo, olives, anchovies, spinach and basil with tomato puree spread on the base and grated mozzarella cheese sprinkled on top.)

After dinner, while the girls prepared a "show" to dazzle us with, Linda and I prepared Miss fab's Dessert Bar - complete with chocolate fountain...!

After researching the cost to hire one of these gadgets (horrific), I spotted one on super-special in Stevens (for $30), and figured it would get plenty of use. The question was, would it work?

Linda and I melted the chocolate in a bowl over a pot of boiling water (750g - 3 blocks - of Whittakers milk chocolate plus 3/4 cup of canola oil). Nervously we turned on the chocolate fountain and poured in the melted chocolate... would it work? IT DID!!!! Eek. (Now it was my turn to shriek just a little bit).

There was more shrieking when the girls saw the chocolate fountain. The birthday girl, hugged me and declared that this was THE BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER.

Then we sent ourselves into a sugar coma.

Two kinds of icecream, homemade berry coulis, squirty cream, lollies, oreos, grapes, berries and cherries... topped off with that decadent flowing chocolate. It was dessert heaven.

I cut them off when their eyes started to glaze over and declared the dessert bar "CLOSED".

Off they staggered to get into their PJ's.

(At some point they did put on their show for us - a dance starring my birthday girl and her cheerleading pal, Yaz, with the other girls all filling roles as DJ's, MC's, lighting and security. Miss fab was in her element).

Time to snuggle down into sleeping bags and watch the movie ("Johnny English" as requested by Miss fab, a suitably silly film) and Linda headed home. She's not silly. Six giggly girls and chocolate fountain does not bode well for shut-eye.

I cleared up the kitchen while the girls watched the movie; it took awhile. I've never disassembled a chocolate fountain before (it was easier than I thought).

After the movie the girls were still wide awake... surprise surprise. I figured they wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon and our best bet for calm and peace was another movie...

This time an inspirational true story, "Soul Surfer" about Bethany Hamilton whose arm was bitten off by a shark while surfing; she made a comeback and ended up becoming a professional surfer. It's a wonderful inspiring  movie, and it put the still-not-sleepy girls into a reflective mood so after the credits rolled I turned off the lanterns and made the girls promise to "only whisper" and if I had to knock on the wall too many times (my bed being right through the wall) I'd hate to have to separate them...

Would you believe it if I told you that by 11.15pm there was not a peep? Everyone was sound asleep, despite the sugar rush. Horror stories about girls having pillow fights all night and girls up talking til 3am and parents getting NO SLEEP... did not happen here. Woop!

They woke up gosh-darned early though. 6.15am (I checked my alarm clock). It was still dark outside.

I tried to ignore the noise and stay asleep-ish, but in the end, gave up and went to make breakfast...

Waffles (the toaster kind), juice, hot chocolate in a jug. Maple syrup, berry coulis, squirty cream. Marshmallows. What can I say, they loved it.

I'd asked the parents to pick their girls up by 9am, because I had to pick up Mr G and Dash from the airport at 10am so we had to get moving after breakfast, quick smart, don't dally. Then I got a call from hubby saying he'd messed up the times and it was 10PM not A.M.

Panic over. Relax. Txt the parents and say, "No need to rush and pick up your daughter because we are all having such a wonderful time". Truly.

Who'd have thought?

Finally I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time for the birthday cake. (I really didn't want to destroy my work of art but it had to be done).

[Note the addition of a "throw rug" on the end of the bed disguising a hole.
Scrag got curious and poked his finger in. Grrrr]

We lit the candles and I snapped a pic of the girls, in the order they appear on the cake...

We enthusiastically sang the song. Happy birthday, Miss Fab, Happy birthday to you! and after the wish was made and the candles blown out, we began to destroy enjoy the birthday cake bed. Using a long spatula I was able to slide the whole brownie "bed" off the top of the cake, remove it to a platter and give each girl "themselves" - which tickled them immensely.

We hung out, looming and looking at old photos, until the mums arrived one by one. 

Miss fab pronounced it her best party ever, and I have to say - I rather enjoyed it myself!

Happy Birthday Fabulous Miss Fab. I had such fun making this party to celebrate your ten fabulous years on the planet.

(P.S. We had a family dinner with our "boys" and Nan and Grandad last night on her actual birthday; a repeat of homemade pizzas and a dessert bar with all the party leftovers. Special.)

• How to make the Sleepover Birthday Cake
• My Favourite Pizza Dough Recipe
• My Party Index Page
• Miss Fab's version of events on her blog