Hanging On - through the Teenage Years

A long time ago, in my life before kids, I worked with teenagers. Some of these teenagers were from really tough backgrounds, the kind of backgrounds that gives kids a label of "at risk".
At risk of being counted in all kinds of negative statistics like teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, crime, lack of education, unemployment and most of all, at risk of living the kind of life and having the kind of families that passed on this risk to the next generation.

All kinds of teenagers came across my path and I did my best to help them at the time, even though most of the time I felt like I was out of my depth, clueless, under-equipped and flying by the seat of my pants.
At the time there were certain kids who stood out, who broke my heart more than most. My love and concern for these kids kept me up at night, quite often; there were prayers and tears and sleepless nights. There were phone calls in the middle of the night ("can you come?"); there were conversations, pep talks and feeds. I didn't know if any of it was doing any good. I didn't know if they would manage to break all those negative cycles and live healthy, happy lives, with healthy, happy families. That was what I wanted and hoped for them but I had no clue if it would happen.

That was more than 20 years ago. We lost touch over the years, but recently a few of those special ones that kept me up at night have crossed my path again, and it has blown me away to see how amazingly well they are doing. They've beaten the statistics.

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From the Ashes

It has been nearly three years since I left my marriage. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made, and one with the highest cost I’ve ever had to pay. It was ‘Hobson’s Choice’ you might say – the choice you have when there is really no other choice. When my marriage ended it wasn’t from lack of trying – we’d been in counselling since 2012, after all. But when all avenues have been tried and the pain being caused to all parties is greater than the benefit of staying, well, at some point you have to call ‘time’.

No-one walks away from a marriage lightly. No-one launches a grenade into their family on a whim; but still, I had no idea at the time just exactly what the price would be for that decision, though all things considered it was still the only decision that could have been made.

With the decision to walk away came Death of the Dream.

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My Journey in Te Ao Maori

Photo Credit: Stephanie Soh

*(kei te haere tonu ahau)*

In 2016 I began working at the Parenting Place, which had been a long-held dream of mine, after writing freelance for the magazine for years.
Unbeknown to me, my new workplace had begun a journey (haerenga) into te ao Māori (the Māori world) and I was swept up in it along with my workmates.
This was no tokenism or surface-level nod, but a wholehearted journey delving into who we are as a nation, our history, where we've come from and what it means to be good Treaty partners.
Along the way, I had the privilege of staying on a number of marae around the country, including Te Tii Marae at Waitangi (where our nation's founding treaty was debated before the signing) and Parihaka (the site of a terrible injustice perpetrated by the British in the 1880's).

The journey began for me as just simply something my work was doing, which I found interesting, but it has become something personal for me now - a personal odyssey and a challenge to discover who I am and where I belong.

In 2018 I had the privilege of beginning to learn te reo Māori with a bunch of my workmates, during work time. I was worried my middle-aged half-speed brain would not cope with the challenge of learning a language, but I did OK, passing all my tests and actually learning stuff. But the main thing I've discovered is that learning te reo isn't just about learning to speak the words - it is about opening myself up to a whole new way of thinking, new ways of looking at the world and finding a deeper sense of belonging and identity in this whenua (land).
I completed a questionnaire sent out to all of us at work to "gauge the bi-cultural journey the Parenting Place has embarked on over the last three years..."

Here are some of my responses...

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Big New Things

Hello again, at long last. It's been a while, but big things are afoot - HUGE things, even.
It's been so long between blog posts - I'm not going to lie, blogging has been at the bottom of the list of priorities lately. Life is a whirlwind, a relentless nerve-wracking rollercoaster and this is the last ever blog post I will write sitting at the computer in the hallway of this, my dear old house.
I'm sitting here typing this on a whim when I really should be packing boxes because...
WE ARE MOVING.

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A Starry Night 13th Birthday Party

Ahhhhh, the Starry Night birthday party for Miss Fab's 13th - what a great night it was. It's about time I shared this party with you, aye? I mean, it's only taken three months!
Turns out, this is most likely the very last party that will ever be hosted here, but more on that another time...
For now here is a magical, star-studded birthday celebration that a bunch of 13-year-old girls thought was super-fun, cool and cute. We hit the spot just right with decor. We had some ironic "throwback-to-our-childhood" activities, and we had some adventures up a hill. All in all a great time was had by all, and it was also very very pretty...

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A Tribute to my Daughter on the Eve of her 13th Birthday

My fabulous girl is turning thirteen on Friday. THIRTEEN.
She's nearly as tall as I am, wears the same size shoes and is, simply put, gorgeous.
It's always a super-busy week pre-party but I didn't want this occasion to pass by without me marking it with some kind of a written tribute, because that's what I do. I write stuff. I like to reflect on the passing of time, and plant a few marker stones along the way. I like to look back and say, wow, look how far we've come.
And we have come a really long way. When I started writing this blog nine years ago my girl was a feisty four-year-old.
I've got nine years of her life recorded here in case the details get a little fuzzy with my encroaching old age (haha).
Let the record show that my daughter is Brave. She is Strong. She is Hilarious.
As she gets older I see more and more clearly what an amazing person she is -  look out world, here she comes.
One of the bravest people I know.
One of the funniest people I know.

A girl with a big heart and an outsized sense of justice. Watch out if you get on the wrong side of her - bullies beware. She'll take you on whatever your size. She's been doing it for years.

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A Merry Heart Does You Good (like medicine)

If you've been around this blog for any length of time you'll know that in our family we've always loved to celebrate for any excuse – and sometimes for no reason.

We loved having friends over, spending time with special people enjoying an occasion together. Whether it was a Light Party, a Birthday Party, an Easter dinner or one of our famous "Parties for No Reason", we sure did love to host a gathering.
We never spent loads of money, we never parted with cash for glitzy entertainers or fancy catering.
We liked our birthday cakes a bit wobbly and homemade-looking.
We got a kick out of thinking up decorations, games and food that we could adapt and make.

More than anything, we really got a thrill out of creating an atmosphere for our friends to come and enjoy.

Even the planning was part of the fun.
As the kids got older they came up with their own great ideas for games and decorating.

Celebrating each other was a way of showing appreciation and letting each family member know that they were valued and special.
So what happened when we changed to a sole-parent family on a tight budget?

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