Last night I lay in bed and tears rolled down my cheeks.
I just need to know, are we doing alright as parents? I sobbed to Mr G.
We are, we are, he reassured me.
But how do you know??? I begged.
My heart was aching with the heaviness of the task. Raising three human beings from babyhood to adulthood. Teaching them everything they need to know to survive in the world. Shaping them into responsible caring good-hearted people. Equipping them with tools to face disappointment, heartache, meanness and failure... so they will bounce back rather than break.
I had found some old photos tucked at the back of a drawer. Photos of us in our early days as parents. Photos of our first two babies.
My heart ached with how quickly those years have passed. And now another child is speeding on his way from babyhood. Before we know it they will all have grown and flown. It's going too fast! I will never get those years back. They will never be babies again. A lump of sadness sat in my chest, and I couldn't cry it away.
This morning we rushed to get ready for another day. But for a few moments I sat on the window seat with my cup of tea and whispered some thoughts up to heaven. I really don't know how to do this parenting thing. I would really love you to let us know how we're doing; how to do it better. I don't know much at all. I could really use your help, you know.
It's a prayer for my children. A wish. A hope.
I turned the music up loud. I scooped up my Little One, my Most Baby. And we danced. I spun him around and he giggled.
Me next, me next! Cried the Big Boy. I scooped him up, all seven years of him. All lanky limbs and spiky hair. We danced. I spun him around and he giggled.
My turn! My turn! called the Big Girl. So I scooped her up and held her close. I breathed in her hair and felt her velvet cheek against mine. Big Boy and Little One held hands and twirled alongside us. We all spun and danced and turned together, giggling.
My heart was aching with how much I love them. I hope they will always Dance.
May you never take one single breath for granted
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance