26 February 2010

Does my Butt Look Big in This?


If a guy you once dated for three years (and were engaged to twice) turned out to be living right around the corner from you...
...and if his kids went to the same school as your kids...
...and even on the same darn walking bus...
...would that make you feel a bit wierd?

How about if you hadn't seen this guy for nearly 20 years, and the last time you saw him he'd come to ask if you'd take him back (the answer was no, BTW)...
...and if he was best man at your sister's wedding and they were all still great friends...
...and you found out from your sister that he had been talking to your kid on the walking bus...
...would that make you feel wierd?

And then, what if you were racing out the school gate after a "Meet the Teacher Evening", wearing your glamorous "grubby old jeans and t-shirt" outfit, sporting your best humidity frizz ponytail hairdo... (I bet you can guess where this is going)...

...and suddenly There. He. Is.
Older. Balder. But definitely him.

He's coming towards you, he's sure to recognise you.
Oh crap. Your brain freezes and...

You Smile. And say a casual, Hi. And you keep walking.
He is looking at you strangely like he's trying to figure out who you are (because you are wearing fabulously Dark Glasses).


"Um, hi..." he says uncertainly. You pass him and keep on walking. Does he realise who you are? You turn your head, he's looking back at you.

Oh, crap, crap, double crap! That's not a great view of your Wide Load! Seeing you for the first time in 20 years and that's what he's going to remember! To make things worse, your tall non-balding handsome hubby is hurrying twenty steps ahead of you - so you can't even rub this guy's nose in your success in the husband department.


After twenty years, his last view of you is your wide waddling butt. (OK the wide angle camera lense could have something to do with it)

You come home all flustered. Your husband thinks it hilarious; your kids think it's a great joke... oh yes, they do.

So what do you do? You take photos of yourself to post on your blog so you can ask your friends...
...does my butt look big in this?





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19 comments:

Gail said...

Hahaha. It is hilarious! And believe me I KNOW. Will fill you in later :)
x

Gail said...

btw. Good arse shots.
Hahaha.

Widge said...

LOL!! oh I've soooo been there too. mine invoved the same kindy and no make up (I ALWAYS wear make up) but this time....shudder.
your butt is smokin simone

Amy said...

How funny! You are one hot babe Simone, and I bet that balding gentleman was standing mute with regret as your bootylicious self walked further away. Still giggling. And no, this has not happened to me, having married my childhood sweetheart.

Momma Such said...

BIG? Are you kidding me!?
I know what you mean though. I always seem to run into people that I haven't seen in forever when I am looking my worst.

Jenny said...

Simone, you have nothing to worry about!

PaisleyJade said...

haha - great post to happen to show Symon so he knows what you look like before we catch up tomorrow !! :P

ShellyInOz said...

I agree with the girls, your butt is certainly not worthy of a wide load sign!

I am sooo glad I live in a city where I did not grow up or date. The only people I run into when I have no makeup and have spaghetti sauce on my shirt are other mums who have matching shirt stains.

Don't sweat it.

Shelly at Tropical Mum

sewfunky said...

OMG! In fits of laughter here - laughing with you not at! Just had to read the story to my hubby, :)

banban said...

Yip. I would feel weird.

Butt you look great! So what's to worry!!!!

My WV is hotarti, love it, hot and arti, so there you go!!!!

EcoMum said...

That's so funny. I married my first serious boyfriend so this isn't going to happen to me! But it does suck when you run into people you haven't seen for ages and you're looking your worst. Don't worry about it, he obvously hasn't escaped the aging process either. You're beautiful Simone :)

Cat said...

LOL so so very funny Simoney!!!
Yup would feel a little wierd...would feel good about the hubby at hand....would probably come home and take pictures of myself and post about....yup, totally getting this one....
BUTT (stolen from Anya) you have nothing to worry about ....for lady you are beautiful!!!!

Chavah said...

LOL I think you did pretty well. :D

chickasauras_rex said...

OK...I'm the kind of girl who would tell you if your butt looks big...I don't have a problem with that kind of honesty at all...and no, your butt doesn't look big. It looks perfectly curvy but not fat, and that's exactly what you want.

The glasses are majorly cute too.

LoL...

Weza said...

I looked at you butt and thought how good it looked in your pants.
That kind of event will not happen to me as i life MILES away from where i grew up. ut i do have a rule... Makeup whenever I leave the house.
HA Loved this post!

IASoupMama said...

Very, very funny! And your bum looks fabulous!

Trees said...

I would have had a melt down!

And Simone, great arse mate x

Brigitte said...

Hilarious post!!
Love it that you got home, took photos of yourself and posted them on your blog for some honest opinions (that's very brave of you by the way).
Well I CERTAINLY don't know what you are worried about - if I had a butt like yours I would walk everywhere naked!

Catherine said...

ROFLMAO - oh you are so so sweet and so adorably funny :)
I kinda know how you were feeling - but in a different kind of way . . . I walk past Mr B's ex (of 4 years) every day twice a day on the walking school bus with my kids .. .. .. she has just figured out its me and hangs at the bottom of her driveway for a good GAWK - I want to hold my kids up and yell YES ITS ME AND YES I MARRIED HIM AND YES I HAD KIDS WITH HIM but then I worry that she is still exactly the same (she hasn't had kids so her figure hasn't changed) and my bum does look bigger

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