The Truth about Supermum...

Twice lately someone has referred to me as a "Supermum". I can tell you right now that I am...

(a) completely uncomfortable to have my name and hers mentioned in the same sentence and

(b) so far from being Supermum that I have more in common with a Goldfish (I actually have the same memory span as our fishy friends).

I am sure those poor misguided individuals just got confused. Maybe blinded by my party doings? or my painting and decorating efforts? Ha! Did they not see the pictures of what I left undone while I spent time on my creative endeavours?? The sinks, benches and washing baskets piled high? The baby wandering around in gumboots with sticky fingers and a snotty nose? The last-minute rehashed dinner menu (a repeating cycle of nachos, spag bol, curry'n'rice and bangers'n'mash with takeaways on the weekend...?)

So here I am putting the record straight. I truly aint no Supermum!
In case you were under any illusions (which can only mean that you have not been reading this blog for very long!)

Now, what I am about to say may come as a shock to some of you, and a relief to others. I don't want to be the one to burst your bubble or shatter your illusions, but I really think someone should tell you this... it's about Supermum...

She. Doesn't. Exist.

I know! I know! I thought she did too! But I have come to realise she is actually a grown-ups version of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy: Made up. An illusion.
Sorry.

Am I sure, you ask?? Well, an article I read the other day put the final nail in Supermum's coffin as far as I'm concerned (a link found in a great post by Gail)

The author, Deborah Hill Cone, said:

"Sisters, we have got to stop buying into all this Superwoman, Supernanny, Yummy Mummy, Alpha Female, MILF, Cougar craziness. It is nonsense. It is killing us, literally.

For too long we have all been complicit in this grand delusion that if you just get more organised or efficient or fitter or focused or a new personal trainer, or life coach, or gluten-free diet, you can control your life.
You can be the hard-arse career woman as well as the mother who makes her own organic baby food, and the designer homemaker and the sexpot wife.
Well I am telling you now: this is utter, utter tosh. Some of these roles are mutually exclusive, for a start.
You simply can't do it all. And we need to stop torturing each other by acting as though it is even an option..."

It's true. She's right. Show me a mum you think has it all together (and I mean all) and I will show you someone who is barely keeping the balls in the air or the plates spinning. At some point you just know that gravity is gonna kick in.

Like the lady Deborah Cone talks about in her article. She had it all together (or looked like she did) and then one day it all got too much and she just... well, I'll let you read the story.

The truth is Supermum is Fiction. She belongs in a comic book. She has nothing to do with real life.

In real life, we have our good days and our bad days. In real life we do some things well and let other things slide. In real life we often make mistakes... sometimes even the same one twice! In real life we can't do it all, can't have it all. Sorry. Them's the facts. Something's gotta give.

Whatever choices we make there are sacrifices. Whatever we prioritise, something else loses out.

I blog. I do it when my kids are at school and my little guy sleeps. Or in the evening when they're all in bed, and hubby's out, like now. I love it. It's a creative outlet for me. But what gives?? The housework, mostly. So sometimes I do a mad spring clean and make up for lost time. On those days I don't get to blog.

I can't do it all.

And neither can you, my friend. So go easy on yourself.

(Pssssst! Supermum doesn't exist... Pass it on!)

Click here for Deborah Cone's Article

Top Image by IdiotGraphic

Bedroom Makeover: My Space

What have I been up to the last few days? What on earth could possibly have been fascinating enough to keep me away from my blog addiction?

I have been giving my bedroom a makeover. All work on other projects ceased. So did all housework, much to Mr G's annoyance. I painted my bedroom while the baby slept and then raced to make school pickups on time...

...leaving the breakfast dishes in the sink...

...leaving the shopping piled on the table...

...leaving the washing piled up, the floors unswept, the beds unmade (you get the picture)...

But it was worth it. Bit by bit I have transformed my bedroom, painted it even - partly inspired by Melinda's Operation Organisation... and partly by the fact that the clutter and untidy old paintwork was driving me nuts.

This is Phase One completed. Phase Two is Operation Get Hubby Out Of My Sunroom! One of these days, Telecom will figure out a way to give us phone/internet service in our purpose-built outside office. Then I can reclaim the sunroom (attached to our bedroom) and turn it into my Sanctuary, my Art Space, my Reading and Relaxing Space. Ahhhhhh, dreams are free - darn it Telecom!

Well in the meantime, at least I now have lovely freshly painted walls, reorganised closet space and a decided lack of clutter. Yay!

!

The cluttered cupboard.... Before...

... and After.

:

hhh

Unfortunately Mr G was not impressed when he came home and found his stuff moved and reorganised. He keeps complaining he can't find anything and that it's a waste of space. I think it looks great having the dresser in the cupboard. He is not convinced :(

The walls had not been touched in about 115 years and were a patchy faded yellowy cream. I painted them a lovely soft pale gray - Resene SeaFog. Mr G said after it was done, "What? Have you painted it a different colour??" Blokes!

My new clutter-free bedroom. You can't really see the colour very well... trust me it's a soft restful pale grey!

I switched the bed over to the other wall so we now look out the window, instead of sleeping underneath it (it was Dash's idea, actually!) It's way better - don't know why I didn't have it postioned there all along.

I am working on convincing Mr G that the new wardrobe configuration will work. I just have to tweak a few things on the storage side (and maybe convince him to let me splash out on a new embossed white cotton bedcover...and lift the carpet to expose the wood floors... and purchase a new blind to better show off the gorgeous window...)

Apparently he doesn't take kindly to change. Or surprises. Hmmmm I think I have my work cut out for me!

Happy Birthday Dear Blog

Happy Birthday Dear Blo-o-o-o-g, Happy Birthday to You!

One year ago today I made my first blog post. I had lain awake the night before having decided to start a blog; my mind was racing with ideas and my fingers were itching to get started.

It was a funny round-about start. Originally I was contemplating my career (or lack of one), and wondering what on earth I would do once my bubba headed off to school. The last few jobs I had were working with at-risk (naughty) teenagers - not something I ever want to go back to!

Long before that I had worked in design: but I have no official qualifications (like all my various careers it's been on-the-job training and the rest is made up as I go along).

Princess had just enjoyed her 4th birthday Fairy Party, which was pretty fab, if I may say so myself. People kept saying to me: "You should start a business planning kids parties..."

Hmmmm, couldn't see that happening if Mr G had anything to say about it (I always get so stressed). But what if I could put my ideas out there somehow?? What if I could also maybe sell my birthday party invitation designs? Could there be a future for me there somewhere?

It was these thoughts that kept me awake at night as my mind raced trying to figure out how I could do it. As soon as the kids had been dropped off and Scrag was asleep for the morning I hit the computer, found Blogger and set up my blog.

It was all meant to be about having fun with/creating fun for your kids... ideas, tips, how-to's (hence the name: Greatfun4kids).

The first post was of course the Fairy Party. Then a post on Family Movie Nights and a Spanish Theme Dinner.

I woke up two days later with something else entirely buzzing around my head.

There was a compelling feeling that I needed to share my journey with Depression on my brand new "fun for kids" blog. Random. Nothing to do with what the blog was meant to be about (or so I thought). But the idea would not go away. So that evening after the kids were in bed, I sat down and poured out my heart, laid bare my soul and shared honestly about the Dark Cloud that had hung over me for so many years. My Journey.

Once it was done, I re-read it and re-read it. Even now, I wouldn't change a word. I asked Mr G to read it and he said, "Amazing..."

Then I put it out there for anyone and everyone to read, which was the best thing I could have done. Otherwise I would have headed down a path of showing only the "upside" of my life, and painting an unrealistic, false picture. I am certainly not supermum, I certainly am not an expert in parenting or life, and whatever good I manage to achieve, it's all done Walking with a Limp. That's the reality - and I think most people relate to our struggles a whole lot better than a false image of perfection.

Plus, through sharing my journey, I have had the privilege of hearing from so many amazing women, who have consequently shared their journey with me. I have made so many new friends (both in the real world and Blog Land). My struggle has been able to encourage others who are on the same journey, which is amazing. Such a privilege. I count myself Blessed.

I had one idea for this Blog, but Someone Else had other ideas. I am so glad I listened to that little whisper.

So, one year and 165 posts later, here we are. This blog has become so much more than what I envisioned when I started.

I still love to share the creative ideas I find for parties, family fun, practical ideas... but it's all set against the backdrop of my journey as an average mummy, struggling to do my best. Who knows if a new career will emerge from it (but really, who cares??)

I couldn't do it without you, my readers. Without you guys, I'd just be talking to myself! Thanks to all of you for coming on this journey with me.

Thanks to all my followers and subscribers for being interested enough to sign up! Thanks to all my Bloggy Friends (old and new) for all the encouragment and comments.

Thanks to my hubby for putting up with dust balls and piles of washing so I can get blogging time while the baby sleeps. Thanks to my lovable silly crazy kids for being an unending source of great subject matter!

And finally a Big Thanks to the Big Guy for steering me in the right direction - this blog has become such a creative outlet and source of enjoyment and friendship for me.

If you haven't met my friends yet, why not pay them a visit? These ladies are worth a read. xx

Blog On!

Gail: My friend, cafe buddy and blogging inspiration; I wouldn't be blogging if it wasn't for Gail

Paisley Jade: One of my favourites; I love Kristy's honesty, humour and creativity

Meg: My dear kind generous friend and neighbour (she's an amazing photographer)

Rebecca: My orginal blogging inspiration, from the days when I didn't even know what a blog was...

Sophie: An dear friend I have got to reconnect with via BlogLand after she left these fair shores

Widge: A new friend and kindred spirit

Melinda: A wonderful writer, honest, funny and a caring new friend

Sammy: Her posts often make me cry or give me the shivers... and she's a wonderful friend as well

Amy: Creative, amazing photos and poetic words

Trees: A new very cool Canadian ENGLISH friend

The Friendship Chair

A New School Day. Unlike the parents of older kids (who drop their kids at the gate and keep on rolling) us mothers of newbies hang around at the back of the New Entrant classroom each morning until the roll is called. Eventually we manage to reluctantly drag ourselves away from our fledgling schoolgoers... usually after watching GTV.

Each day begins with GTV, the school's homegrown TV show and daily notices. Older students help prepare and present the "news" - as well as some cute and funny "ads" highlighting important things about the school's culture.

Like the importance of washing your hands after using the bathroom (hilarious). And yesterday we were introduced to The Friendship Chair.

The ad shows a sad kid hanging out by themselves.

Voice Over: "Are you lonely and have no one to play with?? Sit on The Friendship Chair and someone will invite you to come play with them..."

Sad kid is joined by two friendly shiny happy kids. They all go off and play ball together. Awwww cute!

I thought, How nice, what a lovely idea. Wonder if it works??

It would seem so. Today, I asked Princess who she played with at lunchtime. She told me...

"I saw a girl sitting by herself on the Friendship Chair so I went over and asked her if she wanted to come play with me and she did! I played with her for the whole lunchtime and now she's my friend!"

Amazing. My little girl, on her third day at school is looking out for lonely kids. What a Star.

*Sigh*

Spaces

This is our house. I love my house. We moved in here three years ago today and I still can't believe how blessed we are to live in such a great home, full of light and character, in such a great community.

The spaces we live in definitely affect how we feel. I think you could say that I am a creative, visual person - I like the spaces in my home to be colourful, creative and personal. I guess my kids are picking that up from me, as well.

The other week Dash had a bit of a "spazz out" about his bedroom. He complained it was a dumb room, a "bug" room (his room opens out to the deck and he gets the occasional "visitor") and why did he have to have the stinkest bedroom when his sister had a cool room? (Really, son? You want pink and pretty??)

A chance conversation on Saturday presented me with the opportunity to help him feel excited about his bedroom as well as getting involved with what he's learning at school: dinosaurs. He was talking about how much he's enjoying the topic and I said, "Hey you know I think you have an old dinosaur poster somewhere... do you want me to find it and put it on your wall?"

Yes please! One thing led to another and before long I was digging out all his old toy dinosaurs and dino books, framing a too-small triceratops t-shirt my brother had hand-painted, printing out dinosaur pictures off the internet for him to frame or colour and stick up on his pinboard. I even put some mini dinos along the pelmet of his cupboard - securing them with a little blob of blutac.

We spent the afternoon colouring in (and playing PS2 Dino Den Buzz) together while Scrag was asleep, Princess was out and Daddy was at soccer.

To say he is proud of his Dinosaur bedroom is an understatement. And I have to say, he's been keeping it very tidy!

Then there's Miss Fab's room. On Monday during her first day at school, I spent the morning freshening it up and changing it around for her.

I wanted to make space for her new beanbag (a birthday present) - I envisaged a little corner where she could relax, sit and look at books, play her CDs, draw. I changed her duvet cover and re-hung the mosquito net Nan gave her (which had fallen down cos the hook I used was too small).

I scrubbed and dusted and culled and straightened.

Her reaction when she walked in her room was priceless. She froze and stood with her mouth dropped open, then she spun around and shouted... "Wow! I Love it! You're the best mummy ever!" and threw her arms around me. Awwww!

Sadly the darn mosquito net has fallen down again (we can probably blame Scrag for pulling on it, because I used a really big hook this time!)

Last night I walked past her bedroom and spied her cosied up on her beanbag, her Hi-5 Cd playing, looking at her books. It's a great little relaxing space for her!

Now I am looking at my bedroom. I am thinking of painting the marked and faded walls with some paint I have stashed away (SeaFog). I am thinking of investing in a crisp new white cotton duvet set (our current one is a little tired). I am thinking of turning my ill-fitting curtain into a roman blind... and I am dreaming of getting Mr G's office out of my sunroom and creating an artspace where I can paint and create on these long quiet afternoons with Princess at school and Scrag asleep.

Watch this space!

What are your favourite spaces in your home?

School Begins

She's there. Right now as I write this my baby girl is somewhere up at school. She could be sitting cross-legged on the mat, playing on the monkey bars, making new friends, learning to read... I still can't quite get my head around it. And with the little guy asleep, the house is so quiet!

Scrag woke her up early this morning; he sneaked into her room and started clattering around. Dash tried to get him out before she was woken... too late. I heard him stage-whisper to her, "Go back to sleep OK? You need your rest for school..."

As she was eating her porridge, I overheard Dash giving her the run-down: "First you get dressed, clean your teeth, put your lunch box on the counter and then you can watch some TV..."

Seems the little sister's graduation to the Big World of school is making her more acceptable to her older brother. The TV never did go on this morning. Instead I observed Big Brother playing "schools" with Little Sister, to help her get ready. Writing "2+2" and "5+5" on her blackboard and encouraging her to use her fingers to work out the answer. I just had to grab the camera to record such a warm fuzzy moment.

We found a carpark no problem (as we were soooo on time); Dash ran off ahead to his classroom and we trailed behind. Bag hung, drink bottle stowed, books handed over... the teacher instructed us to go to the office and get our official blue slip to say we've started.

As I waited for my turn with the Office Lady, a familiar cheeky face appeared at the door; Big Brother had brought along two of his classmates to meet his sister.

"Want to come play with us...?" he asked her, and off she went. I'm still in shock!

The bell rang and she knew what to do, thanks to four weeks of Thursday morning school visits. I watched for a while, admiring how sweet she looks in her uniform, feeling proud. When I left she was sitting on the mat, looking every inch a confident schoolgirl.

In an hour I'll pick her up and see how her day went. I might go and whip up some muffins for our afternoon tea...?

After School Update: I managed to make a batch of Banana Choc Chip muffins and arrived at school just as the bell rang. A happy girl greeted me; the teacher confirmed she'd had a great day and seemed to fit in as if she'd been at school for ages. On the way to the car, we finally heard the words we were hoping for... "Mummy, I love love LOVE school!"

How do you find transitions/changes? Did you need the tissues on your kids' first day?

Moving On...

It's over. Our long running association with our local Kindergarten is at an end. After nearly four years of being in and out of that place every day, yesterday was Goodbye.

The Princess heads out into the Big World of School on Monday. She had her kindy "Graduation" on Friday. A paper crown, a playdough cake & candles, being presented with her portfolio, hugs all round, goodbye. The uniform has been bought, the new school bag sits waiting, the books are all covered with shiny Duraseal, ready to be filled with the adventure of learning.

I really thought I would be pulling cartwheels - two kids in school and only one at home! Almost like being on holiday, surely?

In my mind I imagined only excitement about the new chapter...

I never considered the sense of loss I would feel.

Loss at my little girl growing up so fast. Sadness that I won't be popping in to kindy and spending those moments chatting with other mums. Mums who have become great friends, neighbours, allies.

At the kindy I have found a real sense of community. I have made wonderful friends, not just aquaintances. There's Karen (wise and creative, great company, fabulous cook); there's Linda (wonderful, funny, great company, kind and genuine); Meg (creative, compassionate, genuine, great company) and Nicole (fabulous, creative, unforgettable, hilarious, honest, caring).

Sure I'll see them up at school, but I know it's not the same. At school we have the luxury of the Walking School bus. We can drop our kids at the gates. Once the kids get accustomed to their routines the parents don't hang around the classroom like we hang out at kindy. More mums start to head back to the working world; after-school playdates are rushed and short, squeezed in before dinner - and they hardly ever involve the mums.

It's probably not helped by the fact that my little girl is a bit ambivalent about leaving her friends behind at kindy as well. I asked her if she was excited about going to school and she said, "I'm not excited and I don't want to talk about silly old school!"

She's one of the first from her group of friends to Move On to school. But I know she'll be OK. She's outgoing; she'll make new friends and we'll work at keeping up the old ones... until they join her up there.

So that's probably why I feel a bit sad. Change is hard! My little girl is growing up and moving on... and I have to as well.

But I'll take these friendships with me (and so will she). These are our friends and neighbours; we are allies in the battle to get our kids successfully grown up into decent human beings.

Our days will be a little different, they'll take a different shape but the friendships will continue - I'll make sure of that. But I might just take some tissues to school with me on Monday, just in case...

Thankyou and goodbye Mt Albert Kindergarten
October 2005-August 2009