13 August 2009

The Truth about Supermum...

Twice lately someone has referred to me as a "Supermum". I can tell you right now that I am...

(a) completely uncomfortable to have my name and hers mentioned in the same sentence and

(b) so far from being Supermum that I have more in common with a Goldfish (I actually have the same memory span as our fishy friends).

I am sure those poor misguided individuals just got confused. Maybe blinded by my party doings? or my painting and decorating efforts? Ha! Did they not see the pictures of what I left undone while I spent time on my creative endeavours?? The sinks, benches and washing baskets piled high? The baby wandering around in gumboots with sticky fingers and a snotty nose? The last-minute rehashed dinner menu (a repeating cycle of nachos, spag bol, curry'n'rice and bangers'n'mash with takeaways on the weekend...?)

So here I am putting the record straight. I truly aint no Supermum!
In case you were under any illusions (which can only mean that you have not been reading this blog for very long!)

Now, what I am about to say may come as a shock to some of you, and a relief to others. I don't want to be the one to burst your bubble or shatter your illusions, but I really think someone should tell you this... it's about Supermum...

She. Doesn't. Exist.

I know! I know! I thought she did too! But I have come to realise she is actually a grown-ups version of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy: Made up. An illusion.

Am I sure, you ask?? Well, an article I read the other day put the final nail in Supermum's coffin as far as I'm concerned (a link found in a great post by Gail)

The author, Deborah Hill Cone, said:

"Sisters, we have got to stop buying into all this Superwoman, Supernanny, Yummy Mummy, Alpha Female, MILF, Cougar craziness. It is nonsense. It is killing us, literally.

For too long we have all been complicit in this grand delusion that if you just get more organised or efficient or fitter or focused or a new personal trainer, or life coach, or gluten-free diet, you can control your life.

You can be the hard-arse career woman as well as the mother who makes her own organic baby food, and the designer homemaker and the sexpot wife.
Well I am telling you now: this is utter, utter tosh. Some of these roles are mutually exclusive, for a start.
You simply can't do it all. And we need to stop torturing each other by acting as though it is even an option..."

It's true. She's right. Show me a mum you think has it all together (and I mean all) and I will show you someone who is barely keeping the balls in the air or the plates spinning. At some point you just know that gravity is gonna kick in.
Like the lady Deborah Cone talks about in her article. She had it all together (or looked like she did) and then one day it all got too much and she just... well, I'll let you read the story.

The truth is Supermum is Fiction. She belongs in a comic book. She has nothing to do with real life.

In real life, we have our good days and our bad days. In real life we do some things well and let other things slide. In real life we often make mistakes... sometimes even the same one twice! In real life we can't do it all, can't have it all. Sorry. Them's the facts. Something's gotta give.

Whatever choices we make there are sacrifices. Whatever we prioritise, something else loses out.

I blog. I do it when my kids are at school and my little guy sleeps. Or in the evening when they're all in bed, and hubby's out, like now. I love it. It's a creative outlet for me. But what gives?? The housework, mostly. So sometimes I do a mad spring clean and make up for lost time. On those days I don't get to blog.

I can't do it all.

And neither can you, my friend. So go easy on yourself.

(Pssssst! Supermum doesn't exist... Pass it on!)

Click here for Deborah Cone's Article
Top Image by IdiotGraphic

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Widge said...


great post Simoney!!

It's been so refreshing hearing about this from so many other mums lately. I'm terrible for looking at others and comparing myself to what i THINK are their standards.

I have even found myself looking at some blogs where they make wonderful creations and sew their own clothes, cook amazing meals, have a fantastic house and manage to still blog about it astounds me!! But then I realised we are only being shown the "good stuff" and anyone can do that....I love us NZ girls who are keeping it real.


Gail said...

Love it - and you KNOW it! I think we're super from the, "We're here, we're trying" point of view - never from the I have 6 pairs of eyes and legs, you just can't see them point of view.

Keeping it real. Word.

Anonymous said...

Nicely said! too true too true. I have said those very things to my friends who are just starting out into the real world of motherhood. YOU CAN"T HAVE IT ALL!!! Because as you said, something will be suffering, something will be paying the price...and usually it is the thing that needs your attention the most!
Thanks for this awesome post!

Trees said...

Simone, just went on Ticketmaster.co.uk and there are shows running to the end of Aug. In Liverpool till 23rd then at Wembley arena from 26th. Didn't look at prices, too scared!

Morgan said...

Yep, to blog, something does have to give- laundry, windexing, mopping, ect.

I don't enjoy the "supermom" label either. We all have 24 hours in a day and none of us are perfect. We're just different. Anyone can look good when you only see them a couple hours out of a week or even a day.

Supermum doesn't exist and I'll be passing it along too. Thanks Simoney.

PaisleyJade said...

Great post Simone... and sooooo true! I think if only women were more real about life (rather than covering things up) there would be so much less pressure on new mums and way more openness and support received. Love your post.

Steph Hamilton said...

Hey there!! I LOVE this post and your blog! I came across your blog from KMB and you hit the nail on the head when you say that anyone appearing to be a Supermum is most likely on the downslide. So true when you say we can't do it all. For me, I love a multitude of things BUT I have to pick and choose what actually gets done. If I'm REALLY lucky then I will have a burst of energy and stay up really late to get those few extra things done but eventually it will come back to haunt me as I'll just be heading to bed at 2am and one of the kids will wake up......3 hours sleep?? Doh!! Was that really necessary?? Anyway, love your outlook on life and your kids are lovely!! I see you live in Auckland too!! Nice to "meet" you!

Steph Hamilton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hi - I am really glad to discover this. cool job!

Unknown said...

Oh, you DO write well. And you couldn't be more right! I decided to stop juggling and put the balls down. It's changed my life. And my new motto? I can't do everything.

And it's so true! Thanks for the inspiration!

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