18 June 2009

I Can't Breathe

I do it all wrong. If there was a breathing exam I would score a "D". Apparently. That's what I'm told. Apparently that's what is wrong with me. I am not very good at Breathing. In fact,
Here's me thinking I have a problem with my ears... you know sensitivity to sound which brings on hideous panic attacks... but the ear specialist guy says No. It's just that I Don't Breathe Very Good.

He tried to explain it... something to do with stress... makes me breathe in my chest instead of my "Diesel Engine Diaphragm" and so I end up breathing rapidly and there's some kind of chemical thing and somehow I end up sensitive to noise and freaking out.

Apparently there's a place I can go to learn how to breathe but sadly, there's nothing he can do to help me with my personality(!) and my Olympic prowess as an anxious worrier(!)

Boy did I feel stupid. I backed out of the specialist's office blinking back tears and feeling like a crazy nonce, a Hysterical Housewife who just never learnt to breathe and couldn't take the pressure of life as a stay-at-home mum with three kids and a nice husband.

It's OK, it's fixable, the Specialist reassured me.

Somehow I don't feel reassured. I mean it's taken me 10 years to drag myself this far. I was really hoping for something straightforward like: Oh yes, your ears are very waxy, just get them syringed and you'll be able to rejoin the human race.

Or perhaps: Well madam, in your case we do recommend surgically removing your ears; that should fix the problem and you will then be able to sit with your husband in church instead of up at Starbucks til the music is finished.

But no. No Easy Fix. No Magic Bullet. Nothing actually wrong with my ears that an immunity to stress and an ability to breathe wouldn't fix.

So all I have to do is eliminate stress from my life *guffaw* *snort* *chortle* (sounds of hysterical laughter)... oh yes and learn to breathe.

Simple really.

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PaisleyJade said...

Oh wow - that's strange! I remember having to learn to breathe properly as a child having asthma... mum would put a toy on my tummy and make me breathe so the toy went up and down... but I still breathe all wrong now. De stressing our lives is so important... and so hard to do!!!

Gail said...

Don't feel silly Simoney! You'd be surprised at how many people don't breathe properly!!! It actually is quite difficult (this from my experience playing a French horn!! Every child should learn a brass instrument for this alone! or to sing!)

Anyways BE HAPPY my dear! Yay, a solution!! Will be rocking with you in church again! Yay!

As for de-stressing - when you find the solution please text me :)

I want to see The Proposal. Next Mon?? Gxx

Sophie said...

Big hug Simoney.

Anonymous said...

hi simoney, firstly what a great blog you have here i stumbled across it and now cant stop reading! i know the post above was written in 2009 but it certainly grabbed my attention. anxiety is a nasty thing and i walk that rocky road most days wishing it would just go away. its not often spoken bout and not many know that feeling! i hope you are doing well :) x

Unknown said...

Wow Simoney I found your blog through kiwimummyblogs.
Until now I didn't know anyone who had hyperventilation like me. I have been taking meds for it since April 2012 because no matter how much meditation and respiratory, hyperventilation was taking over my life last year. I am working on changing my life all together but this is all to say how amazing of you to put the subject out there. This condition makes me feel very lonely sometimes so it is comforting knowing I am not an E.T. ;-)

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