09 September 2010

Mother-Love


Lying beside my little son in his bunk bed last night, gazing at his sweet small face, I felt such a wave of love I almost drowned.

He is my third child. My third baby. Precious and unique. Special. I love him with all my heart.

I remember my anxiety when I became pregnant with baby number two. Was it possible to love another child as much as I loved my first? Would I now have to split my love between the two? Would there be enough to go round?

I needn't have worried. What I didn't know then is this... Mother-love is not finite like a pie.

If mother-love was a pie, there'd be a limited supply to cut up and share between children. The more kids you had the further your limited supply would have to stretch and therefore the smaller each child's portion.

But Mother-love is not like a Pie. Mother-love is like a Well.*

There is an endless supply, enough for all. I can keep drawing on it, enough for everyone. I have more love now than I did at first. With each new child my love has multiplied, not divided. And my third gets as much love as my first.

Pondering all this got me thinking about the miracle that mother-love is.

Having a child transforms you instantly, to something other than what you were before. It opens up an unknown world. It's like stepping Through the Looking Glass, Alice.

As Morpheus said in The Matrix: "The Red pill or the Blue pill? You take the Red Pill and go through the Looking Glass... and find out how deep the Rabbit Hole goes..."

We mothers have taken the Red Pill. For us everything changed in that instant our child entered the world. In the second that double blue line showed up on the stick (or however it is that we came to be mothers) we are changed forever.


As my friend Sammy puts it so eloquently: "A baby is born and a piece of my heart starts living and breathing outside my body ..."

Isn't it amazing what mothers can do? We may be sick ourselves, but we still manage to care for our children, as my lovely friend Kristy recently commented: "I remember vomiting while at the same time holding a bowl for a not-yet-two year old to vomit into. Crazy..."

Or some kid picks on our little guy, and we turn into a fierce Lioness going into bat for our kid and making sure a bully is stopped, like my friend Alicia did recently.


Mothering changes the way we see the world. Through the other side of the Looking Glass we are alert to dangers we never knew were there, sensitised to the loss and pain of others, horrified and uncomprehending how anyone could ever hurt a child. The TV News becomes almost too painful to watch.

Mothering links us together with others who share our experiences. Our pain and struggles become our passports to empathy. Our fears for our childrens well-being, our anxiety over how well we are doing and our guilt at our percieved failings are shared with women the world over.

There is no Rule Book, no Instruction Manual, no Owners Guide handed out with a newborn baby. We are all fumbling in the dark, trying our best and hoping our best is good enough.


Our job description is immense and varied. I found this here:




In the past week I have not left my house once, as I spent every waking minute caring for my sick vomit-stricken children. And I would have gone crazy were it not for you, my online community of fellow-mothers. As the walls closed in on me, between pukes, I could escape here. And not feel isolated or alone. I had your messages of encouragement and the outlet of writing about it all, to stop me from going completely nuts.

We need each other.


We all do things differently, come up with different things that work for us. Some are BabyWise, others swear by the Baby Whisperer. SuperNanny vs. The Toddler Tamer. Baby wearing, breast-feeding, cloth-diapering eco-mums vs. disposable nappy formula feeding Phil & Ted-pushing yummy mummies.

But in the end we are our babies' mamas, ready to become lionesses at the first sign of danger, scoping out the area for trouble. And needing each other for support, for encouragement, for sisterhood and community.

So thankyou, my bloggy friends. The vomiting has not ended yet, but I know it has to sometime. And in the meantime I can visit you here, even if I don't get to leave my house, or put on makeup or wash my hair...

At least I have you. My Mother Sisters.
xx


P.S. Check out this great article in a Post by Dee. So True. So Funny. (So the one I was looking for but didn't find it til I saw it on Dee's blog)

* The Well and the Pie is not my own analogy. I borrowed it from a preacher. He was using it to explain something else, but I think it fits here too.


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22 comments:

Meg said...

sweet post Simone, and what about that photo of Miss Fab!! Did you take it? It's so beautiful. She almost has a halo. Kids enjoying Star Wars :o)

Frog, Goose and Bear said...

So true! Great post. Blogging is such a therapy for me and any way that we can find community and support is so necessary in times such as these. I really hope that your family gets over the sickness very soon - it does not sound like fun!

Sammy said...

Just got your text and replied. All I can say is NOOOOOOOOOO! You poor poor mommy!!!! Let's pray that Josh gets better REALLY fast xxx

M.N.M's said...

Beautifully put. I love what you said abou the mother-pie thing. So very along the lines of something my sister-in-law says 'Love doesn't divide, it multiplies'.

Also that is a stunning photo of Miss Fab!

Simoney said...

Looks like it's still gonna be a while before I get to smell the flowers and skip amongst the tulips... Child Number three has just succumbed to the spew bug. Which means that (1) Miss Fab had her first day at school today; she is skinny as a rake after not eating for 5 days (2) Scrag is still sick, and has lost stacks of weight also; puking slowed but not stopped (3) Dash started puking 10 minutes ago!! Arrrghhhh!!!! This has the double horror of meaning that he will miss his end-of-season soccer season UNLESS he gets a much milder dose than the other two. He really really wanted to play in this, as their end of season was very disheartening with tonnes of games cancelled. If you are the praying type could you ask for Dash to only get 12 hours of puking (instead of 3 days) and be back on his feet quick smart??!!!
THANKS. You guys are my lifeline, believe it or not.

Simoney said...

Er that's meant to be TOURNAMENT. End of season TOURNAMENT. My bad.

PaisleyJade said...

Wow - it's gone straight through the family!!

Beautiful posts - it's so good having a community of caring blogging friends out there, especially when we are stuck at home with sick kids etc.

p.s. that pic of Miss Fab took my breath away!

Lizzieholly said...

Great post, I'm looking forward to taking up the job title of Mum, with all the good and bad days that come along with it! And it is so true that even from conception your life, mindset and future changes forever. My wee bub is -25 weeks and already my heart feels like it may burst with love.

dawn said...

stopping by from SITS...
Hope the vomitrocious-ness stops soon and that it doesn't strike anywhere near my kids!
I'm a sympathetic vomiter... someone vomits and instantly I'm right there with them. YUCK!

Neetz said...

Oh sending lots of love, patience, healing prayers, and biggest cyber cuddles I can muster. Loved your blog and your pics were just gorgeously insane :)
Loads of well wishes xxxx

Sarah (Chez Lee) said...

Oh poor, poor you and the children. This post nearly had me in tears. Such wise, thoughtful words with the most amazing photographs of your beautiful children (have to ask - what did you use for the effect around the edge?).

The blogging community really is a life-line in times like this and I know I've drawn huge strength from my on-line friends over the years and it's amazing when I've had the chance to meet them in person. It's like having lots of pen-pals, but in a much more immediate, inter-active way.

I love your analogy with the red pill - very clever. And your words of how we are all so different in the way we mother but share the all consuming love for our children. Ah, a beautiful post and one for the favourites I should say (except for the puking bits!). Oh dear, I really, really hope all is well soon xx Have everything crossed for you x

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Lizzie said...

Stopping by from SITS. Lovely post, the kind you write when your reserves are low and emotions high and you are teetering on the brink just a little. I hope and pray your dear ones are healthy again soon.

Simony said...

Oh dear, hope you and your family will be feeling better soon. This too shall pass!
The blog world has saved me many times already, even though nobody out there knows this. I am very thankful for living in this era when we can contact people, and even become friends, when we never met before. It's a soul contact, without bodies, without barriers. Almost like Heaven!
Take care! Wish you the best.

alicia said...

I got goosebumps reading this Simoney. So beautifully written. Such a wonderful reflection on motherhood. It is amazing what we won't do for our kids. (I never thought I'd have the emotions I did when some kid punched mine in the face.) I love the passage, "Mothering links us together with others who share our experiences. Our pain and struggles become our passports to empathy." Hang in there. I've been there and certainly feel for you. Sending healing thoughts and hugs your way.

Sarah said...

I'm a new follower from Thursday Friends & Giveaways.
I hope you'll come check me out at PS Mom Reviews and follow me too!
I have fun giveaways going on now too!

Losing Brownies said...

Even borrowed it is beautiful. I really love this entry and look forward to my well becoming deeper when we decide to give The Boy a sibling.

SoMo Mom said...

Ok, I just got chills. So, so true. That is why we always call motherhood "relentless yet rewarding". Hang in there ... it is almost cool enough to open the windows & let out the germs!Thanks for stopping by my SITS Day... what a ride it has been. :)

Jaime-Ann said...

Aside from how awesome this post it - you have an awesome eye for capturing pics!~ I love them!

Jess said...

Beautiful post - beautiful pictures. I love the fact that as mums we are joined in an invisible team. Together we understand each others fears, hopes, dreams, anxieties, love. I really think the best thing I have done is join a community of bloggers who are so honest and caring that it reminds me I have friends out there I have not met. My prayers are for your children that the may gain health and that His strength be with you at this time. xxx

Cat said...

oh Simoney
All this week was worth it as now you get to go to that conference with Widgey...see there is always a silver lining to every cloud!!!
Always here for you friend...even if I am half a world away!
lol

love and light

ps awesome post!

Tanya @ Life in 3D said...

I just came over from Lish's blog. This is a beautiful post and so very true. Lovely :)
P.S. My husband lived in New Zealand for schooling and LOVED it...still talks about getting back there. Be well :)

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