If I didn't know any better I'd be thinking Gravity is out to get me.
Gravity gets bored being just an Immutable Law and likes to play its little jokes. A kind of "Punk'd" for forces of nature, with me in a starring role.
Every single embarrassing moment in the past year has ended up with me on my ass in some way or other.
I can just imagine Gravity rubbing its giant hands together and sniggering, Hey here's that un-co chick from Auckland. Let's make her trip over her own feet again!
First there was the time I face-planted in front of the school Principal when I tried to kick the ball back to Dash's friends. Tripped over my own feet... landed on my face... said a bad word... looked up to see the Principal standing there looking down at me...
Then there was the time the chair I was sitting on collapsed underneath me at a kiddies birthday party. I was sitting there minding my own business when the cafe chair I had perched my wide load on just couldn't take the pressure any more and gave up the ghost. One minute I am sitting sipping coffee, the next I am on my ass again.
Nice one Gravity, you really got me good that time.
And of course there was that time a few weeks ago when Gravity helped Scrag bowl me down the escalator at the Mall. We ended up in a heap at the bottom wearing icecream and popcorn in front of a food court full of people... thanks again, Gravity.
And now, if I haven't embarrassed myself enough already this year in front of the school principal, my kid's schoolmates, the Staff and patrons of Chipmunks and the shoppers at St Lukes... Gravity decides to Punk me in front of a bunch of strangers at gymnastics too.
On Friday mornings Scrag does gymnastics.
Last week began innocently enough, with a game of "Tails".
The kids poke a fabric "Tail" into their shorts and run away from their adult. The adult has to chase them and grab their tail.
So as Scrag races away from me I chase after him as fast as I can... (my first mistake).
He is racing around the edge of the mat, so I decide to cut him off at the pass... (my second mistake).
I reach for his tail... I have it in my fingertips... oh no! Gravity has taken over... I can't stop in time; my forward momentum carries me crashing off the edge of the mat, ploughing headlong into the balance beam...
DONK (the sound of my head hitting the beam)
CRUNCH (the sound of my spine twisting)
SCRAAAAPE (the sound of my knees bruising)
RED (the colour of my face as I lay in a heap with my ass in the air unable to move as the tears roll down my face.)
I spend the rest of the gym class pressing an ice pack to my back, trying to avoid everyone's sympathetic stares. Thankfully no permanent damage, apart from to my ego.
My reputation (as an un-co chick who gets regularly Punk'd by Gravity and trips over her own feet) is intact.
Darn it Gravity. You get me every time.
(Anybody else have an embarrassing moment lately?)
[Picture from Weheartit.com]