23 November 2012

Ten Year Old Love

"This is the night... baby you're about to be born!" my mum said into the video camera as they whisked me off for an emergency caesarian, ten years ago today.

Ten years ago I became a mother.
Ten years ago a child who had grown inside me emerged into the world and changed me forever.

I have never looked at things the same way since.
From the moment they held that blurry shape up and said, "It's a boy", my heart grew six sizes. My eyes  started leaking and I whispered, "He's in the world..."
That giant bump I'd been wearing wasn't just too many pies; there really was a little person being made in there. And since then I've understand why my mum used to cry over the Huggies ads.

Dash made me a mother.
Ten years ago today.
In another ten years he will be twenty. Scary thought.
The last ten years have seen him go from baby to boy.
The next ten years will see him change from child to adult.
Those first moments when my son entered the world seem like just a blink ago.
I find myself walking around in a daze murmuring, "Double digits...! Ten YEARS?!?!"
It would seem I am becoming one of those annoying people who goes on about how quickly time races by.

Ten years of motherhood. Ten years knowing and loving this person, my son.
Who knows what the next ten years will bring, what kind of man he will become?
I can't help thinking that in ten years time we'll know whether our parenting efforts were enough.
Will he be on track, or off the rails?
Please God, may this child find his feet. May we have the Grace to give love unconditionally, but set limits wisely.

My prayer, my deepest heart's wish for my firstborn is that he knows and likes who he is, and that he can walk confidently out into the world to make a positive contribution to it.

I love this boy so much. You know that feeling you get when your heart is full to bursting? That's how I feel about my ten year old as I type this. All the tender love and glowing pride of a mother.
I am so very thankful for him. Thankful that out of all the children in the world, we got him.

Happy Tenth Birthday Dash

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