19 March 2013

Hanging On; Checking Out...

I'm hanging on, but just barely.
Remember my post a few weeks back, about the Long and Winding Road?
Well, things have been rough, to say the least.
Unmedicated Me is not a nice person or a very pleasant mother. For my poor family, it's been like living with a volcano, or snuggling up to a porcupine.
The little things become insurmountable obstacles and the big things, well, let's just say I still haven't learnt my lesson about taking on too much (using up my limited energy on all the wrong things, of course).

It turns out that Unmedicated Me sucks.
It turns out that the good does not outweigh the bad.
We are not just dealing with "the odd panic attack" which can be ridden out for the sake of having the good emotions back. We are dealing with a cave-bear on a hair-trigger.
Not. Good.

So today I'm going to talk to my counsellor and then I'm going to fill my prescription for some happy pills.
Not the nasties I was on before, something gentler.
But it turns out, I need the drugs.
All you brave souls who live with this black dog, unmedicated, I guess I am just not as strong as you.

I'm also going to take a little break from blogging, check out of blogland for a spell, while I try to get my equilibrium back. For the next week, I'm hanging out the "Back in 5" sign.

Just one less thing to worry about, you know?
Because I love this space, I love writing and sharing and connecting... but right now I just don't have enough Go Juice to do everything I want need to do.
I'm having to trim back the extras, just to get through each day.

I'll be using my time when the kids are out to refresh, recharge... so that when they walk in the door it's their loving mother who greets them, not some angry cave bear who is likely to erupt if they leave a mess on the bench, or don't shut the pantry door.

I'm still open to doing blog design jobs (I can manage one per week) and my Etsy shoppe remains open - these endeavours are now helping me stay sane by funding a cleaner.

Don't worry, you won't have time to miss me, the way the days fly past so quickly. I'll be back before you even know I'm gone.
See you in a week or so.

[Image adapted from here]

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