02 November 2011

Frequently Asked Questions

(for When I'm Famous)

"Mummy am I famous?" my daughter asks me sometimes.
Sure, honey, I tell her. You're famous on my blog.

I have a sneaking suspicion that deep down most of us would quite like to be a bit famous. Respected for something. Significant somehow. Maybe not to the point where the Paparazzi camp outside our gate and chase us down the street. Perhaps anonymity has its advantages when you're shopping for new undies. Or when you faceplant in front of the School Principal.

But if I ever get famous, I'm sure these are the questions the media will most want to know...


Q: How do you keep yourself looking so fabulous at your age? {Oh wait. that was a question for Sammy over at Cherished. Sorry.} Your question is, Will you consider Botox if things get much worse?

A: Gah. How Rude! Each line on my face tells a story you know. Every scar, every wrinkle, the stories they could tell...


Q: Yes, well we haven't got all day. You say you led a sheltered life prior to marrying your husband and had been on the shelf for a while. How did you ever manage to bag yourself a hot toy boy?
A: Why, by my astounding good looks and great personality of course. That and the attraction of my millions hidden offshore... I'm joking! For goodness sake, it was just meant to be or something. How else does a hot young party boy fall for a goody-goody spinster? Destiny. True Love. Take your pick.



Q:Is it true that the movie 40-Year-old Virgin was based on your life?
A:What?! No way. You've got it all wrong. I was a thirty year old virgin. That's completely different! Where do you people get this stuff?


Q: OK. So then tell us, are the rumours true? Are you in fact pregnant again?
A:What the? Are you kidding me? I am not pregnant, OK?! I just had three really big babies late in life. Trauma like that takes its toll on a woman's body you know.



Q: There is a rumour that you rose to fame as a blogger while your children spent hours watching Sky TV. What do you have to say about that?
A:  I deny that completely. We got rid of Sky TV months ago. Now they watch DVDs. Um, I mean, now I blog while they are asleep. Or at school and kindy... I'm trying, I really am.


Q: Is it true that you had to have an intervention for your blog addiction? That you once spent several days without the internet and had to go cold turkey?
A:  I deny everything. I admit nothing. I have no blog addiction.





QIs it true that you sometimes craft dust bunnies from the dust balls that form in your hallway while you are neglecting the housework, blogging?
A:  No! That is an ugly rumour spread by people who are jealous of my runaway success. I was joking when I said that, truly I was.

Q: So then what is the relationship between you and your cleaner?
A:  I love her, I couldn't live without her... I would have to spend valuable blogging time scrubbing the loo....

Q: Aha! So you admit to having a cleaner?
A:  I... what? Did you just trap me? OK, yes! I admit it, once a week a poor cash-strapped student comes and cleans my bathroom and vacuums up the dust bunnies. There. I said it. I have a cleaner. Are you happy now?

Q: So there are no actual fluffy bunnies handcrafted from your dust balls? No dust-bunny creations for sale on Etsy or Felt?
A:  No. No dust bunnies. Just a cleaner.


Q: So what do you actually do all day? If you don't do housework? I mean, you obviously don't exercise or take much time for a skin-care regime... so how do you fill those long empty days???
A:  Um... I write, I fiddle with my blog design, I play around with effects in Photoscape, I read other people's blogs, I leave comments, I work on my FREE party invitation website, I pin things on Pinterest ...


Q: You spend all that time on the computer? Is that your final answer?
A:  No wait! I can think of other stuff... Um...



Q: Oh-kayyy. Well you lead a truly fascinating life. Ahem. Is that the time? Gotta run, I need to interview someone famous AND interesting. Widge has a puppy AND a day job...
A:  Hey! I'm interesting! Come back! I can tell you about the time I sliced head open on a falling cake plate... or the time I tripped over and swore in front of my kids' school principal... hello? Anyone there? Man I really gotta get some better work stories.



Yeah, I think maybe I'm better off not being famous. That media scrutiny can be a bugger.


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28 comments:

Little Gumnut said...

I love it!!!! You are a fabulous writer Simoney!!!

Gail said...

hahahaha! "snort".

alicia said...

You crack me up. Your blog is thoroughly entertaining. Very fun pics!! And I think I'll settle on my mediocre boring non-famous life. lol.

Cat said...

PMSL!!!!!

you are a funny funny lady!

love and light

Meghan at MNM's said...

Hi-LAIRY-ous! Love all the edited pics. You've got me cooking up a similar post in my head now :-)

PaisleyJade said...

I read this late last night and you had me in fits of laughter! You are too funny. LOVE!!

Vintage Mum said...

hilarious! I can start my day with a smile now and actually do some crafting instead of just pinning things (who is the genius behind pinterest anyway - am loving it)

jacksta said...

great photo shopping skills and a very funny read.

Cat said...

LOVE it and there is NO shame hear me NO shame in having a cleaner! I LOVE my cleaner ::))

Sarah Lee said...

Brilliant! The photo editing is super clever! I saw this prompt and thought you'd come up with something very witty. Very funny :-)

meg said...

So great Simoney! Loved the photos... they'd take all day I'm sure. Wish I had a cleaner too. x

Abby said...

These pics are FANTASTIC!!! Love this post, Simone!! :)

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud said...

You're too funny! Thanks for the laugh and for stopping by on my SITS Day. I'm following you via GFC, liked you on FB and following you on Pinterest. Yes, I'm stalking you. ;)

Jess said...

Fabulous and entertaining as always. Love it!

Angie @ The Little Mumma said...

Ha!

I opened with a question about my beauty also. But only because people ask me ALL.THE.TIME.

Loved this.

Barbs said...

So Funny - You are so clever

Stasha said...

Hello and OK will be fighting for you after this post. You are well funny and cute. Love the paparazzi shots :)

MJ said...

Thanks for the laugh! You mean people don't utilise the TV for children so they can use the computer in peace? I'm amazed, and clearly not one of them.

Sammy said...

Thanks Simoney... I will keep that compliment close as THE DAY OF DOOM approaches.....argh. I may hide under the duvet and drink G&T's. A whooooole lot of them...(not kidding)

Anabella said...

Wow! I'm laughing hysterically (in my mind, because I'm in class!) You write soooooo awesome posts!!! I love your free invites too! What a great work! Did you do it only with photoscape or photoshop too?? They looks great! I want to have a cleaner too!! It's always messy...

Kristen said...

I love it! seriously. I really need to get a better photo editing program. not so my pics look better - but so i can make them funnier ;)  I was really worried when I posted my FAQ's that they would come across as snarky - but .. thanks - you made me feel better. HAHA. just kidding. Is that too far for a joke on our first meeting? I'm never sure. Love the blog.
Kristen@ www.alittlesomethingforme.com

Rebecca said...

Brilliant!!!!!

Leah, aka, FFPMaMMa said...

So much fun! I think you know that your about me page prompted me for my page that will be up someday soon. Your humor is fabulous... I'm still gathering questions too (in case you find yourself twiddling your thumbs wondering what in the world to do...)
http://www.farfromperfectmamma.com/2011/09/ask-me-anything.html

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Love it!
I seriously do NOT want to be famous. I couldn't deal with people all up in my shit all the time!

SupermomWannabe said...

You are so funny! I love it! I am new here, came by from circle of moms actually. Glad I found your blog though, you're hilarious.

unsolicitedious said...

Hey clever lady - awesome post, hilarious & so well done...love the photos and I think you life under the spotlight would hold up exceptionally well:)

SUPAHMAMA! said...

Too funny! I've been pulled in and now I have to read more of you! I mean, if you get famous and all I have to be able to leak insider info to the paparazzi, right?

Roz said...

This is delightful - made me laugh, made me cry.

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