20 March 2012

Letter to a Meanie-pants


Dear Ms. Meanie-pants,
I got your comment on my Indian Headdress post today and after I had banished it to the [SPAM] folder, I got to thinking...

Firstly I wondered how much free time you must have, and why you'd waste valuable minutes going round spreading meanness about other people's work.

Secondly I wondered what kind of small-spirited person would want to be so nasty to someone they've never even met (who wasn't even posting about something controversial, just a humble glue-gun  project).

Thirdly I wondered what kind of day you were having? My guess is probably a bad one if my poor little post offended you so much you felt it necessary to leave such a scathing comment...


I see that your screen name is "Serenity Quest".
I clicked on your profile to get a clue about what kind of person would leave such a comment, and saw your by-line "My search for serenity amongst 4 very individual kids, constant remodeling, and homesteading adventures"
That's kind of ironic, really.

You're seeking serenity but going around spreading nastiness.
Honey, let me tell you, if you want inner peace, you've got to spread kindness not meanness.
Meanness will only leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
And nobody wants to be friends with a mean person.

I also see that your blog is completely empty. Not one post.
Is this because you are such a perfectionist, endlessly educating yourself before you attempt to produce something? Is it because if you can't make something perfect, you won't make it at all?


Or do you think if you post something there will be a whole lot of meanies who will come along and criticise your efforts? Maybe you expect the rest of the blogging world to be as mean and judemental as you.

Man, that is sad. I feel sorry for you.

Hey, my photos may not be the prettiest in the world, but at least I'm sharing my ideas and doing something. My feather headdresses might not be perfect, but they'll do the job nicely for what they're needed for.

Even though I may not be the world's best photographer or crafter, my bloggy friends appreciate my efforts. They see my heart and they encourage me. Friends are nice like that.
I made all those friends by being kind, by encouraging others, by looking for good and commenting on that. 



Listen Ms. Mean, there's enough meanness in the world. You might make some friends if you try kindness for a change.

But if kindness is a bit of a stretch, I was always taught, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
You might like to try that sometime.

By the way, I forgive you for leaving me a mean comment. I figure you're probably having a bad day/week/year and were just taking out your frustrations on a random stranger.
All the best with the blogging and the "being kind"...


Yours Sincerely from





P.S. As you can see I have removed the photo which offended you so much. I admit I did look pretty haggard in it, but it had been a long day.

As for the rest, well, I admit it would have been better if my small model had cooperated and given me a proper smile... but sometimes kids just don't want to perform like seals, ya know?

So yeah, not the most brilliant piece of photographic work I've ever done, but certainly not worthy of being called "the most appalling on the internet".

I mean, really! there's far worse than that out there in cyberspace. But I won't pick on any, because guess what? That would be mean.



.....................

This was the first time anyone's left me a really mean comment. I could have ignored it, but I felt like I needed to "stand up" to this mean bully, for the sake of my confidence.

Have you ever had a mean comment left on a post? What did you do?


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26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Simoney, love how you've de-barbed the mean comment - just wanted to suggest that maybe SQ's objection isn't you or the quality of your craft/photography. Some people find the use of headdresses an objectionable stereotype of First Nations tribes. Even so, the most appalling photos 'in' the internet? Really?? Hmm. Sally

Simoney said...

Hmmm, indeed Sally! Thanks for your thoughts/insight. Not being from America I guess I'm not aware of that side of things. I was just making a quick-n-easy headband for a Peter Pan party game. Really sorry if that was offensive, but the accompanying post made it pretty clear what the headbands were being used for; I never knew Peter Pan was controversial!

hollymayb said...

I would be stoked to be considered one of your bloggy friends. I love your photos, they simply represent another creative facet of your blogs. They're always entertaining, whether or not the lighting is 'perfect'. I say, leave your blog post the way you made it. It's YOUR blog after all :) xo

Cat said...

I just don't get nasty comments
why bother?
if you don't like it leave the blog site...simple
total weirdness I say
love how you handled it friend

your blog and everything in it is lovely...just like you♥

love and light

Claudia said...

Well said. Keep up you're good work, I enjoy reading real and honest posts, and find perfection off-putting.

kiwimama said...

arghhh, i feel your pain! i had a very grumpy person hurl abuse at me from the pavement literally right outside my car window with my little daughter in the car, her window down, able to hear everything this lady was screaming - along with all the f-bombs she was dropping. normally, i'm a bit of a fighter & wouldn't stand for it. especially since i genuinely wasn't in the wrong. & it took everything in me not to hurl the abuse back! afterwards though, i was so thankful i didn't. this lady was obviously a very sad & bitter person who has had probably had a rough time of it. i suspect ms. meany may be the same. i love your blogs - they inspire me.

kiwimama said...

ps. your substitute photo is gorgeous but i actually love your first one too. looks like you're up to mischief.

Broot said...

Yes, I agree it was probably considered insensitive from a cultural stand point. Kinda like holding poi the wrong way, wearing a piu piu upside down, or doing a bad job on the haka. That said, her post should have been way more instructive - it's obvious from your blog you are from NZ and she shouldn't expect everyone in the world to know there are cultural sensitivities. (After all, she wouldn't know how to cut flax properly, I'd bet!!)

Simoney said...

After thinking some more about Sally's comment, I wondered if perhaps "SQ" WAS offended by my less-than-culturally sensitive recreation of Native American cultural icons. Just in case, and to avoid any further possible offense, I have added a disclaimer onto the bottom of my feather headdress tutorial. I would sincerely HATE to offend someone's cuture, however unintentionally! the thought never crossed my mind!

Sammy said...

I don't think she was referring to cultural insensitivity (and BTW don't think anyone with any sense would take it like that!) She was just being a big fat meanie chops. Ugly and horrible. Your photos are real and genuine, don't change one single little thing, my friend.
P.S. You're awesome xxx

Anonymous said...

Simoney! Ur awesome! Gd job! Miss mean! Get a life! If u don't know someone reserve ur criticisms ! This is just a case of Simone having fun n being creative for her kids nothing intended to do with offense of cultures! No one can b as perfect as u apparently r! Get a load of urself lady coz I know simoney n she hasn't got a mean bone in her body! Bren

Lyn said...

This just leaves me somewhat...arrgh... speechless. Even if it was culturally insensitive to this person, they need to say so or at least hint at that rather than just attack your photos. As a new-ish blogger hearing this kind of stuff kind of freaks me out, if you were a new blogger you'd almost be scared off blogging altogether!!

Love your response tho... :-)

Sarah of 'Catching the Magic' said...

Love your response & so sorry you had to feel the brunt of such a worthless, nasty comment :-(

I thought you headress photo was funny - like you were doing a 'chant' (of the weary super mum kind - devotedly planning and preparing awesomeness for your son's Birthday).

Hugs x

Gail said...

what an arse.
Love you and your work friend.x

Remaliah said...

Please don't let that comment take up space in your mind and discourage you or take your confidence, Simoney. I can imagine it came out of left-field, took you by surprise and put a damper on your day. But it's not worth taking the valuable space in your creative, kind, fun-loving, honest mind. I love how your main objective is to create a fun, laughter-filled, creative, loving home...not to be 100% perfect like so many parties. Kids remember the fun, the colour and the wonderful imaginary world created...and YOU are a PRO! I really truly love your blog for all the ideas & honesty you share. I know, from my own experience, how one criticism can overshadow all the compliments, so my wish is that you can hear OUR voices and keep on your being your creative, friendly self :) xx

Remaliah said...

P.S. I want to add that I'm glad you stood up because what you said is right...I can't see the point in taking the time to write criticisms on others' walls xx

Neetz said...

I have one word........

JEALOUS...

She's obviously awful/mean/nasty/confrontational etc because she is so totally JEALOUS of you mate!

Why why why would you even take the time to post some mean comment like that? Hey, WE know the truth, .... that your blog is just AWESOME... xxx (like you) xxx

Leonie said...

ah how pathetic is Miss Meany pants! I agree Simone, if you don't have anything nice to say dont say anything at all.
Your blog rocks, We ALL know it!!! Don't let comments like that get you down, she is one of HUNDREDS of people who read your blog ..

Laura said...

This is when I question the internet and how we make use of it.
Because, here is the honest truth:
we are sharing our talents, our religious beliefs, our creativeness, our families, our most intimate moments, and our humor, with THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. And sadly, the whole wide world is not nice. And we have willingly put ourselves out there, for anyone to comment.
That scares me sometimes.

Her comment was unkind.
Not even sure what she means by it.
That's the trouble with communicating vi blog, text, e mail...you have no sense of emotion, double meaning, or sarcasm...it is all so hard to read.
That said, sure...if this is a cultural issue, there is a kind way to inform you about that. If something offended her on a cultural level, and she suggests you be educated on a cultural matter, it would be better to simply state that. Preferably, in a private e mail to you. If it really is an important issue that you need to be aware of, then why not help you out?

But she didn't do that.
Who knows why.
That's just how she rolls I guess.
But remember...she doesn't know you.
And she has fingers and a key board and the freedom to speak her mind.

Ironic that she chose one of the most beautiful, sincere, encouraging, honest kind hearts, to verbally attack, huh?
She chose the person I look up to for comfort, who heals souls with her words and lifts so many out of the dark and into the light.
It is no fun to be accused or criticized for simply being true to who you are...
hmmm....reminds me of a certain young man, and a cross.....

Have I ever had a mean comment?
I am not sure...
I got a comment once...on a happy post about being a Vacation Bible School leader and how I loved my group called "The terrific turtles". And someone wrote, "I am surprised you didn't call them the terrific TURDS. See how your reputation colors everything you do????"
WHAT?
I read that comment over and over...
my reputation???
what did that even mean???
I wasted too many minutes of my life feeling like a bad person after that.

Everyone is a critic.
But ever notice that the ones who criticize the most are the ones afraid to try anything?
The awful thing about this, is that we can get 500 compliments in a day, and ONE BAD ONE...but when we go to bed at night, what do we think about?
THE ONE BAD ONE.

It's just that, honey.
ONE BAD COMMENT.

I did nothing about the comment I received.
It was anonymous. Of course.
But even so...I say, let it go.
Don't engage in what is truly "bullying".
If someone can not educate you kindly, then they really do not have your best interest at heart...her motive was never to educate, but simply to insult. I don't know why. We don't know her story. Her journey is her own, and being in the place she is now, that comment felt right. Whatever she has experienced or lived through up until this moment, gave her the "okay" on speaking her mind, even if it meant hurting another.
Maybe she gave up leaving nice comments for Lent????

I am sorry.
Because I would totally cry.

If this happens again?
Read it...say a prayer for the one who left it, then go and read the thousands of compliments you have, and continue to receive.

Prayers for happier comments and kindness all around!
love you

Simoney said...

WOW. I am just slightly overwhelmed by all the bloggy love that's been poured out here from you all. Shucks. THANKYOU my sweet blog-friends! You rock! THIS is why I love blogging... you guys!

Widge said...

woah.
coming late to the party here. was gonna say this is why i leave my word verification on, cos I KNOW I would get meanie comments hehe...but she didn't even bother with that!
weird.
love what laura had to say.
we've got your back simoney xoxoxoxo

Jen said...

dont go changing
I love youre blog
they are fun, educational, thought provoking and shine as you do

hope it didnt put too much of a damper on your day

yep delete and carry on :)
knowing we all love you

Anna @ green tea n toast said...

Sorry to hear about this. Great response though. Hope it doesn't happen again x

Little Gumnut said...

Love to you Simoney, I know just how you feel, somebody left 'Griefer' comments on two youtube videos of my babies that were meant for family and blog readers and it hurt horribly. Hard to trust that its not going to happen again. My techy friend called them griefers cos that's what they like doing, spreading grief, they live for it.

I hope though it wasn't a case of her being hacked by a griefer looking to spread hate.

Love to you all, press delete and forget all about them then go and read all the hundreds and hundreds of appreciative comments you've had on all your beautiful party diva-ishness, that's where the real truth lies. Lots of love, Sophx

Brigitte said...

Sheesh. That is SO VERY mean! :((
I'm sorry you had to be experience that. It's something I've never had to deal with.....yet... but I think it would be so very hard not to take negative comments personally.
Good on you for sticking up to a bully who is obviously a sad and hurt individual :(
I always totally LOVE your creativity with your children, it's so inspiring. Truly!
Don't go changing beautiful lady XOX

Maxabella said...

Now why would you change your post because of one grumpy panted person? Ignore these pests, mate. x

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