What I crave most in my life is Peace. Generally life is noisy and busy and there are endless demands and cries of "Mummeeeee...?!" But especially lately with my heightened sensitivity to noise; all I want is stillness, calm, soothing tones and soft music, perhaps the odd bird chirping or some rain on the roof. You get my drift.
Recently I felt compelled to find that place of peace. I put on some Christian music and sat on my window seat with my art book and some pens, something I haven't done in far too long.
I started doodling to the music, just writing the words that stuck out to me from the songs that were playing. I wrote them pretty, made them fancy. I coloured bits in and let the music sink into me.
I breathed deeply and felt a sense of that warm stillness start to settle over me.
My husband walked in and commented on the lovely atmosphere of peace that was thick and tangible in the room.
A few days later I came across a random Psalm where the writer talked about longing for God. I thought to myself, I can't really relate to that.
Probably because when I picture “longing for God”, I get a feeling of anxiety and strain. I remember sitting in an empty room and squeezing my eyes shut, trying really hard to connect with God by thinking of inspiring stuff. Remembering the brain strain, I am repelled.
But then, a thought hit me like a flash... actually my longing for peace is really a longing for God. I just never realized it.
When I am craving stillness, calmness, tranquility (oh how few and far between those moments are!) it's actually something deep inside me hankering for the peace I find in those moments when His presence fills my room as my music plays and I doodle while drinking coffee in the sunshine.
That deep breath, that sense of contentment and "I'm-ok-ness", that's His presence. I have been longing for it for so long. I just didn't realize it.
All of a sudden I get it.
And I want more...