13 May 2010

Scrag's Guide to Getting Attention

!!TOP SECRET!! EYES ONLY!! SECURITY CLEARANCE REQUIRED!!

By Agent Scrag


Babies, we have a problem. Our parents are busy people. Our cuteness is no longer enough to guarantee large chunks of focused attention from them. We must up-the-ante. We must use all our skills to secure for ourselves maximum attention!

 
Attention Obstacle #1: The Computer

The computer is stealing our mothers' attention away from us. We must fight back.


Strategy 1: Power Off
If your mother is spending too much time blogging, a stealth attack could be the answer. Her full attention will be fixed on the screen so all you need to do is sneak under her chair and hit the power button. Warning! This will only work the first few times. After that she will become attuned to your presence under her chair if it threatens her power source.


Strategy 2: Up Close & Personal
Shouting in her ear alone is no good. She has had years of practise tuning out noisy demands. You must climb up behind her on her chair and then pull her hair. That's right, people. I said pull. And I mean pull it hard. No wimpy tickling or she will just think you are giving her a head massage. Yank it till she squeals. This is a very effective way to get her attention.


Strategy 3:  Sabotage
Once she has grown wise to these initial tactics, you will have to become more aggressive. As I said, she will have her attention firmly on the screen and as long as you are not climbing under her chair or pulling her hair, she will ignore you.


I recommend going for the jugular: the makeup purse. If your mother is like mine, she always forgets to put her things away because she's in a rush in the morning. So get in there, pull the stuff out and go to town with the eyeshadow.


When you've had enough, appear at her shoulder smeared in makeup. I guarantee you this will get her attention. She will have to spend quite some time cleaning up the mess you've made. Even better if you've just eaten banana and/or have a snotty nose. She won't know whether the globs on her purse are edible or... not.

Other Attention Obstacles:
Any of the above strategies can be employed to take attention away from these obstacles and put it back firmly where it belongs: on us!
~television
~telephone
~adult conversation
~siblings
~chores
You may wish to try some of my other attention-getting tricks...


Clean the toilet yourself...


Strip naked and smear toothpaste all over the bath (and yourself)...


Help with the laundry...


Throw everything out of your cot. And I mean EVERYTHING.


Do a woopsy in your nappy. Make it a really whiffy one that she can't ignore. Stay close by for maximum effect.


Climb on her knee and give her gooby kisses... then shout "lah-you-mummeee!"

These methods are all guaranteed winners. Goodnight and Good Luck!


PS: Mummy found this coded message and decided to post it to cheer herself up after she found what I did to her makeup. She said if she didn't laugh, she'd cry. Mothers!!!


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19 comments:

Sammy said...

So cute and scarily clever! I personally like the make up/ booger/ banana combo. Definate attention grabber!

Vanessa said...

oh so cute. Guess you got your work cut out for you today:)

GypsyFox The Glamorous Betty Crocker said...

I just LOVE this, it is genius!!! & soooo true this applies to my 2 & 3 year old, I am sure they read this..hehehhe ;)

meg said...

So smart finding the power button, you might have to start scheduling in time for blogging when there is no little person nearby! Make him hlep you with the housework ;o) I taught Max how to fold towels the other day, now why did it take so long for me to realise that he could help with the laundry?

"S" and family said...

How, oh HOW, did he get the mattress out of the crib?! Wait, it might be best that we never know! (and I admit that after years of changing crib sheets, I still don't know a good way to get that thing out!)

PaisleyJade said...

Best post - so funny and cute!

Weza said...

This is GOLD!

Mon said...

HAHAHAH Love it! That made me laugh so much! Is there a baby school they all go to learn all that? Its uncanny how familiar that all sounded...

Penny said...

So funny Scrag! I'm sure you and Benjamin have gotten together and swapped notes on these techniques. We may have to limit any time you spend together!

secretlifeoftrees said...

Ha ha, very funny post!

Jen said...

neat post

Chavah said...

LOL love it. I think we're all laughing because we've all been there hahaha.

Melinda said...

Adorable! We are on the same page today, Simoney .. I actually just blogged about social media and how it can distract us from what's the most important (and sometimes smelly and messy!) people in our lives!

Thanks for stopping by my blog last week ... always love hearing from you! ;0)

Cat said...

lol
that
Scrag is a force to be reckoned with !!!
Great post Simoney funny funny funny

Sophie said...

Love it Simoney! Great post! What a Scrag!! Love love love the 'lahyou mummy'

dianeswords.wordpress.com said...

Ah memories. Good thing it was just make up that the baby got into. And thank goodness for childproof caps! Happy SITS saturday sharefest.
dianeswords.wordpress.com

Run DMT said...

Visiting here from SITS! Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

What a great post! Very clever! Yep, the kids are definitely in cahoots with each other to destroy our blogging days. I have experienced almost all of those with my youngest. Good times.

Cheryl said...

That was a riot! I especially love the toothpaste and laundry ideas.

Visiting from SITS SS.

Anonymous said...

What a great read, it really made me laugh,what a great imagination you have Simone, you always come up with another great story.Winnie

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