06 January 2011

Switcheroo


If it's true that life imitates art, is it also true that your house reflects your state of mind?


I find that in a brand new year I am hankering to put my world i.e. my house in order.

I want to declutter.
I want to freshen things up.
I am itching for change, movement, newness.
A sense of space.

My big boy has also been longing for his own space. The novelty of sharing with his two-year-old brother has worn off as we knew it would.

The annoyance of having intricate lego set-ups stomped on, and go-go battles interrupted by giant toddler feet has taken its toll. Big boy has been begging for his own room and the only thing we could offer him was teeny tiny room cupboard next door.


It fits a bed, just. And a small closet. Barely any room for a boy to play.
But this boy was desperate and willing to sacrifice s-p-a-c-e for space.


So with a bit of clever thinking Dash has his own miniature bedroom.


A bunk bed, a desk, a closet, just enough space to hold lego/gogo/card battles... and a shut-able door.


Meanwhile the baby brother has gained this...


Space.

Space space space headspace.

What I really want to talk about is my head-space.
My new year head-space is not full of goals, dreams and plans.
My new year head space is cluttered with guilt, apathy and self-doubt.
My new year bod is packing at least 10 kilos more than it needs.
My new year kids are squabbling and bored.

Yesterday I cried.
I said, I am so sick of being myself.
Stuck inside my head. Stuck with my apathy, my lack of energy, my un-ness.
I cruise through your blogs and I see inspiring quotes, big dreams, worthy goals.
Me, I wrote a bucket list where nearly everything on the list had to do with escaping.


So around my head-house I need some major shifts.
My head space needs a clear out, only there are so many years worth of rubbish thinking and lazy habits that I don't know where to begin.
So I sit here and sigh and feel overwhelmed and useless.
Wishing I had more energy.
Wishing I could unzip my me-suit and slip into someone else's better-mother skin.
Waste of time, wishing. I might as well whistle at the moon.
Nothing will change that way, will it?


I am Eustace the Dragon. Trapped in my dragonness.
I have worn these ugly scales for years.
I have tried before to scratch off my dragon-skin, but here I still remain, dragonish to the core.
Aslan Aslan, where are you now?
I need your sharp claws and teeth. I can't do it myself.

Now I'll bet you never expected a post about a bedroom switcheroo to turn so deep did you?


P.S. If you want to read about Eustace the dragon, Blogizomai has kindly posted the excerpt from CS Lewis "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" here



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17 comments:

Jenny said...

oh simone, I feel that way too. Tired, weary, tired of me and my grouchiness and impatient spirit, of feeling not good enough. I just want to stay home in my jammies. You are not alone. Lifting you up...

weza said...

Simoney, can I encourage you? You are a fabulous woman and mother. Your children are so blessed by the lengths you go to to create incredible adventures. Take some time today and look back through your blog, check out all your party posts, your light party post, your beach days, the holidays, its all there, a tribute to your PARENTING, your commitment to your children. So today dont let the doubts steal truth from you. The truth of your love for your kids, for God and for life. The 10kgs... well its only weight, they dont define you. Big hugs. xxx

PaisleyJade said...

Totally agree with Weza here Simone - just take small steps. I haven't set myself any big goals this year - just want to draw closer to my Lord... as I do, everything else will fall into place at the right time.

p.s. totally makes sense now why I've been sorting and switching things around in my house!!

Neetz said...

I too agree with Weza :) Sometimes we can't see past the mundane..the negative...the "boring" bits of our lives...sometimes we have to take a step back and see through it...see all the cool fun neat stuff that we've done, and I've seen lots of the latter in your blogs!
Some of those parties etc that you have thrown makes me go "ohh wow... my kids would love her as a Mum!!" .. :)
You're amazing.. You're talented.. You're gorgeous! and you sound FUN!
Be encouraged! ((hugs)) Juanita.

Simony said...

Dear friend, we can see you are trying to please all, but don't forget yourself!
You need love and attention, too. Take some time for yourself, go for a walk and meditate. Or go for a walk and have a coffee or tea. You need to have some time alone and to find out again what a wonderful person you are!
Wishing you the best!

Simoney said...

Thanks girlies... I think the thing that bothers me is I am GREAT at the big mother stuff (ie parties, christmas) but pretty crap at the day to day grind, especially lately where I seem to be battling the lows again. I don't know if my kids WOULD say I am fun?! They take their cool parties for granted and think that's how EVERYBODY does things! I am holing on to "one day they will be parents and THEN they'll know..."
xx

Cat said...

Honey, you need to be your kids mother first...not friend..and for the record NONE of our children understand what we do for them...it is not that they don't want to, they just can't, they are not wired for that kind of appreciation yet. You read my story about my family...A Family Worth Celebrating right? Do you think the Rock Star remotes knows that work that has gone into the relationship I have with his Dad...or the relationships we have all forged? Nor on your life. Sad but true...it sucks at time, true, but I can't get stuck in that.
I so agree with all that is said here. you are a committed, loving mother, we all know that to be true. whose yard stick are you measuring yourself by anyways? Really whose is it? God's? The god I know thinks that you are:
God's child
forgiven
a new creation
a temple where the Holy Spirit lives
delivered
redeemed
blessed
a saint
holy and WITHOUT BLAME
established to the end
victorious
an overcomer
set free
strong
more that a conqueror
sealed
accepted
complete
alive
reconciled
qualified
firmly rooted
faithful
the light of the world
the salt of the earth
the righteousness of God
a partaker of God's divine nature
God's workmanship
the apple of your Father's eye
healed
raised up
beloved
everlasting
peace filled
powerful
always triumphant
clothed with glory and honor and all things are put under your feet!

these are the things that are true about you my dear Simoney!
don't let the day to day get you down or cloud your truth...the day to day moves in and out...it never stays...now love and memories and commitment..those are the things that Real Life is made of
thinking of you

love and light

ps love the switcheroooooooooooooooooo!

Cat said...

*sigh* remotes should say remotely!!!!

Sonia said...

Can totally relate. Maybe it's time to simply 'be' for a while. No to-do lists, no goals, nadda. Just be. Meditate if that's your thing or sit out in nature, do the regular things you do and try and let the clutter in your mind melt away in due course. Forcing it will stress you out. Only then can really see what's ahead for you - and especially what's you need to be happy within yourself.

Mon said...

I love how honest you are, and how you voice things that probably concern us all at times. Its hot, the kids are hot and bothered, I have a short fuse. When they are sleeping at night I feel terrible that I've snapped at them and not taken them down to the beach or the park because I'm too exhausted. But tomorrow's a new day and your kids are so blessed that you even care. Love you hon.

Sammy said...

I haven't set big goals for this year either although I would like to. Because I know that the Mommy I want to be and the person I need to be for my kiddies depends on me being closer to God. There is so much I want to see for my kiddies and I have to be strong to intercede for the battles they will face.
But I can't be that person right now. I need more of God and being closer to Him is the only goal I have right now.
2011 is the year opf drawing closer to God. That's all. Slowly and wonderfully drawing nearer.
So I agree with all the above, just BE Simoney. Just be with Him and He will bring the changes you desire xx

Rachael said...

Thank you for your honesty. I too feel a bit like you do and am hoping that as the year progresses and we get back into our normal routines that things will change. I have had 'one of those days' today where I had little patience for anyone or anything. I hope you manage to get into a different head space soon.

The Clip Cafe said...

I am totally loving that room - love cozy spaces!! No words of wisdom here sorry (why do they never come when they should!!??) But wish you all the best for 2011 and I know there will be better bloggy friends with more encouragement like above - I am blank right now :-(

Shell said...

Breathe, my friend. Breathe!

Renegades said...

It has to help seperating the kids. Giving them their own space. Now maybe what you need is some of your own time and space too.

Gail said...

Hey friend, I go away for a few days and come back to a switcheroo and a big D & M. You have some amazing advice here. AMAZING. You need to remember that you have just come off the back of a very BUSY month or so. A house guest whom you and Mr G really spoilt with trips to wonderful places and family activity - that is not easy during end of year chaos with school break-ups, Christmas time, tired children, church commitments, birthdays, hosting get-togethers and just being wife and husband!! That has been a really time condensed space for your family!
It's time to just breathe and let God do the leading. And sometimes, we know, He will lead us down paths that aren't always pretty, a few bumps and webby caves on the way..... but still waters await at the other end.
You do a great job - of the big and of the small. Your children are like everyone else's kids, no real concept of the effort day to day parenting requires, let alone the massive additional extras you are so good at creating for them.
I agree that you need to read over your posts of the better - and remind yourself!!

OK girl. we will do coffee very shortly.
Gx
P.S. Not a good time then to ask if you want a 6 year old girl on Tues night for a sleep over?

P.P.S. that 6 year old girl's party invite is here for your 6 year old.... time: 9:30am drop off at mine, date Fri 21st Jan, pick up 2:30pm.
Let me know.
xx

lostinaseaofblogs said...

I could have written this post. I've been feeling exactly the same way and I think that's why I left the blogosphere for awhile. Clawing my way out of it slowly. **hugs**

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