There have been some shifts in the last four days, since I poured out my heart here on the Switcheroo post.
I am not talking earth-shattering shifts. No tectonic plates were involved.
But some subtle movements a few centimetres in the right direction. Enough to give me a glimmer of hope.
After I wrote the post I continued to wrestle with my sense of hopelessness. I stayed in bed. I cried some more.
And I talked to my husband.
Curled on my bed with my red puffy eyes I told him how I was feeling. Why I was useless and hopeless, helpless. And he pointed me gently to... God.
He said, fifteen minutes a day. Take a cup of tea into the sunroom. Turn on some music. Sit with a pen. Read one verse. And ask for help.
He said, of course you can't do it yourself.
Of course you can't change yourself.
Only God can, he agreed.
So ask him, he said.
Stop trying to do it yourself, cos look where that's got us after 10 years.
Somehow that sounded do-able. And actually appealing.
So after he left I thought-whispered, OK Aslan, I need help. I need you.
Sunday morning, something was telling me to drive right past church and go to the beach, get a coffee. I suggested it to hubby and he said, afterwards. And we went to church.
Just as well because the message was for me.
Every last bit of it.
It was like the preacher had heard my whispered thought-prayer and wrote his sermon notes from it just for me.
Something tells me
Later that day I got an idea. You might call it an inspiration. It was whispered in my heart and I think it was part of my answer.
I decided to create a Safe Place online. Somewhere private I can pour out my soul on the black days. Somewhere I can invite those fellow weary travellers who share this desperate journey with me. A Safe Place we can share. Encourage each other. Support one another.
So I've done it. Created A Safe Place in the Storm.
If you are on this journey, it's a place for you too.
I invite you there to my Safe Place. Somewhere away from public eyes, where you can drop the mask and show your scars without fear of judgement.
If you want to join me there, email me on firstname.lastname@example.org, introduce yourself and ask to come in from the Storm.
This is a new day for me. I have a glimmer of hope. I am asking for help. And trusting that this year I will lose my dragon skin for good. With Aslan's help.
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