19 May 2011

Ode to Brussels Sprouts


O Brussels Sprouts you taunt me as you sit there on my plate
In all the world you are the food that I do surely hate

You look like tiny cabbages but taste like dirty socks
And if I had the choice I think I'd rather eat some rocks

My mama never cooked you; She hated you like me
But Nana said, "You'll eat those up!" when I was only three

I managed to avoid you through the years til just today
Sitting at my auntie's table til you're cold and slightly gray

My aunt is not impressed, when I gag at just your smell
"Hold your nose!" she scolds me, but that doesn't work too well

It's not just that you stink and have a nasty soggy taste
It's your slimy seaweed texture sticking in my throat like paste

So I've made myself a promise: I will never dish you up
Never boil, bake or steam you; never serve you in a cup

My kids will never eat you, never have to spit you out
You're banned forever from my kitchen
Nasty stinky Brussels Sprouts.


~

Writing Prompt #4: Describe a food you abhor

Brussels Sprouts. The very word makes me shudder.
Oh Brussels Sprouts how I abhor you!
I care not that Brussels Sprouts reduce the risk of breast, prostate, and colon cancers, lower cholesterol and prevent constipation.
Give me prunes any day!

I will never forget sitting at my auntie's table, sixteen years old. I was away from my family, on the other side of the world in Canada facing Brussels Sprouts.



Not since the days of enforced silverbeet-and-sprout eating at my Nana's house had I stared down those mini-cabbages.

The smell alone made me want to retch. Don't blame me for gagging. Blame the Brussels Sprouts!

"Oh for goodness sake!! Stop that right now! Hold your nose! You're not leaving til you've finished them," my auntie scolded, unimpressed by my performance.
Blinking back tears I meekly pinched my nose and forced a sprout into my mouth.
The spongy floury texture filled my mouth and stuck in my throat. I couldn't help it when the gagging started again...

Finally my auntie backed down.
"Fine. Leave them. Honestly...!?!?!"

I stumbled away from the table wiping my mouth.
The battle was won. But I lost the war.
(My auntie cut short my year-long-trip and send me home to New Zealand after just three months.
Not just for my Oscar-winning performance at the dinner table. I'm sure there were other reasons...)

But from that day to this no brussels sprout has since passed my lips.

Or crossed the threshold of my home.
Nor. Ever. Shall.

Mama’s Losin’ It

...........

What food do you hate most in all the world???


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22 comments:

Meghan at MNM's said...

With ya all the way on this one! They're banned in our family too! I'm thankful my mum hated them so never dished them up either. Mind you the homegrown silverbeet with lots of extra hudden nutrients a.k.a stray bugs we'd always end up crunching on was just about as bad I reckon!!!!

Cat said...

LOL
Oh Simoney that is TERRIBLE!!!!!
but funny at the same time

ok the food I most am repulsed by would be any sort of organs...YUK!!!!

love and light

ps I LOVE brussels sprouts..hope we can still be friends ; )

Widge said...

I'd eat a brussle sprout over licorice even though I don't really like them either. And another food I WILL NEVER eat in canned spaghetti. shudder

PaisleyJade said...

Hahaha - love your writing! We love them here... I add some sugar to the water when boiling (although I forgot the last time and they were hard and disgusting and hubby just said... "These taste pretty yuck").

Crack me up Widge - we love tinned spagetti too!

Mon said...

AMEN TO THAT!!!
Hahaha, I had such a laugh and can SO relate. According to my husband they are great but since I do the shopping and the cooking...there ain't no way they go in my trolley or my stove!

Widge said...

is not *in
yeah

Elizabeth said...

I don't mind them at all - but pineapple does to me what they do to you... even the smell makes me gag!
Yuck!!!!!! Thankfully Hubby is not a big fan of it either, although he'll eat it if it's around - so no arguments in our house about me never buying it or cooking with it!

jacksta said...

nice poem...
I think Id try anything once. Some chefs can make something yucky and turn into something nice. I just cant stomach too much chilli, otherwise I game for anything.

Leonie said...

Funny Simone!
Im not a fan of the little green cabbages either....but would gladly eat them over parsnips or broad beans - YUCK!!!

Grumpyish Mum said...

Oh, poor sprouts - I love 'em!

Stasha said...

I totally love sprouts! But I loved your poem just as much. So all is forgiven and forgotten.

Jessica said...

Brussels sprouts are banned in my house too. They are nasty.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

The very name 'brussel sprouts' conjures up horrors for me. I like the way you described it as tasting like dirty socks. I wonder how you knew how socks taste hee hee.

Love the ode!

Simoney said...

Hahaha Alison - yeah I eat dirty socks all the time :) LOL
I guess I am just IMAGINING how dirty socks taste based on how they SMELL??? Oh and I am so surprised that there is ANYONE in the world who loves sprouts?! Wow. i learned something today. x

Jackie said...

I will confess, I just recently tried brussel sprouts for the first time, grilled and heavily seasoned and they weren't too bad. (Sorry!) But I'm the one who hates watermelon, so take it with a grain of salt!

kt moxie said...

Awesome. Post. And I'm with you. I really don't understand how anyone can like those little cabbage things. Ick.

Maggie S. said...

When you're right; you're right. My mom only served them one time. I don't think she really liked them either.

June Freaking Cleaver said...

My husband thinks they're yummy. Me? Frozen, they make good projectiles.

He makes them for himself.

Mry Jhnsn said...

Even though I L O V E the sprouts I really enjoyed your post :)

Lyns said...

Ew B.Sprouts!!! My hubby LOVES them. He planted them in our garden down south...rows and rows of the suckers. They looked like triffids (or what i imagine they would look like). We were over-run by them and he couldn't believe that we weren't able to give them away. He thought we could take them to the Farmer's Market and sell them. I talked him out of it...

Kimberly said...

You'll think I'm weird, but I love brussels sprouts. But they have to be fresh, not frozen, and sauteed in olive oil with a tad bit o'sugar and some sea salt. Yummo!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I hear ya!~ I actually tried them a couple of weeks ago just to see if they tasted any better as an adult, nope! They're still just as nasty. I'm thinking the same thing with liver. I haven't tried it in about 30 years, but I'm sure it's just gross and icky. Some things are just not meant to be eaten, especially by picky kids. The first time my kids try these foods, they are going to be adults, so they can keep an open mind.

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