15 August 2012

Grateful (a List for my Soul)

[my garden, Scrag's laughter, creativity, opportunities to write, sunshine...]

When the Pendulum swings it helps to be grateful. When the kids are off their heads and you wonder why you brought them into the world just to torture you, it helps to be grateful. When the house is a mess, and your head aches and you feel as if the ground you've gained is slipping away beneath your feet... gratitude is tonic for the soul.

Last night my wise husband prescribed me a grateful list for my soul-ailings.
He sat with pen in hand and requested a list of no less than twentyfive things I am grateful for.
Then he stuck it on my mirror and said, "Read it every time you look in the mirror. In the morning when you wake up, say it out loud..."

[my beautiful home, books to read...]
Here is that list...
Jane (my counsellor)
My Home (my beautiful house)
Our Big Garden
Living in Mt Albert
Books to Read
Legs and arms that work
Eyes that can see
Music (and ears to hear it)
Scrag's laughter
My Smile (my best feature)
Healthy children
Funny children
Kisses and cuddles
More than enough
Opportunity to travel
Being able to drive
Being born in New Zealand
Time to Myself
A Generous husband
Opportunities to Write
Grey hair (Wisdom)
A car
Being a Mother
Being a Wife
[being born in New Zealand, being a mother, being a wife, my generous husband...]

All of the above, the big and the small, gives me a warm glow when I stop to think about it.
So I feel lonely sometimes and my friends are busy people, but I still have them.
I even have friends I've never met; sweet women who take the time to send me words of encouragement, beautiful handmade cards and words of appreciation (thankyou HollyMayB).

I have hours every week that I get to spend doing the things I love. I don't always spend my time wisely... I spend too many of those hours here on the computer, but I still get to choose. I get to have time - something which was once so rare.

I spent years alone, praying and dreaming of Mr Right. Wondering if I'd ever get to be a wife and mother. Now I am - with all the mess and mayhem that goes with it. But still - I wanted this life.

I live in the most beautiful country in the world. We are free to live and learn and believe and dream here. I live in the best suburb in Auckland. Not the flashest, but the best. Our community really is a community. So many women I love who are my friends and neighbours. Precious people I get to do life with. How blessed am I?
[living in Mt Albert, sunshine, funny kids, my smile...]

I may not be all that happy with my appearance right now, my figure may be heading south and the toll of years is starting to show... but I can walk, hear, see. My smile makes the difference between frumpy and glowing. That is my choice. Underneath the L'Oreal Chocolate Brown, grey hair is starting to take over. But each one of those silvery strands has come with experience of life. Maturity is hard won, and silver is the price we pay. And I'm worth it.

I get to pursue my dreams. Travelling. Writing. 
And indulge in my favourite activities. Reading, creativity.
I am not house-bound. I have a car, I can drive.

See what I learn about the good things in my life when I take the time to really look?
When the Pendulum is swinging, all looks dark. All looks heavy and too hard.
But it's not. It's just the stupid Pendulum.
I have so many good things in my life. So very much to be grateful for.
And I am.

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