I swear I bought two packs not three weeks ago, yet now even if I dig to the depths of the top drawer all I can find is odds and smalls. Holey-toed and mismatched leftovers.
Not a skerrick of the lovely striped and robot-themed hosiery I purchased for Scrag before he started school.
Maybe there's a sock monster who ravages sock drawers in the night.
Perhaps there's some mousie hiding in the wall with layers of sock-sleeping bags laid by for the winter.
I contemplate the sad remains of what was (mere days ago) a healthy pile of sockage. Now, nothing. Poor Scrag has been going to school mismatched for days, and I am none the wiser.
Socks, at least can be easily replaced. Annoying, for sure. Heart breaking, no.
Other things are not so easily replaced.
Like my precious iPod, a birthday gift, mislaid after the Carnival Party.
I swear I remembered putting it into my bag, but in the confusion and madness to pack down and clear out, I wondered if perhaps I'd been dreaming.
Had I, in fact, left my iPod behind?
No, sorry, said the kindy teacher. No iPod here.
Bags were emptied, boxes searched.
An ache in my gut when I thought about it; iPods don't come cheap and gift-givers are loathe to give again if their gift is not cared for properly.
But then when I had given up, and was no longer even searching - a box of party-bits was opened and Behold! My iPod!
O the joy I tellya.
In went the ear buds, on went Phillip Phillips.
"I'll love you long after you're gone gone gone..."
Indeed I will.
Thank goodness that sometimes lost things get found.
|[Artist's Impression of Jackie]|
But Confidence....? Losing your confidence is heartbreaking and paralysing all at once.
Once it's lost, confidence is hard to get back, isn't it?
We watched (NZ) X-Factor the other night and I felt my heart go out to Jackie Thomas.
Her original audition was my favourite of the lot and the judges RAVED about her.
Mel Blatt even said she thought we had just been watching the winner of the X factor. I went around the house singing "My mymy- mymy-my...skinny love..." (after all, my iPod was missing and I had to provide my own soundtrack).
But she went no further. She stumbled at the (stupidly formatted) Boot Camp Round and we watched her confidence crumble.
In the end she was resigned to being sent home, knowing that she'd 'messed up'.
I really felt for her, even then, and was so disappointed she was cut.
I had really liked Jackie and had been looking forward to voting for her. She has the kind of pure voice and genuineness that I could listen to all day (on my iPod).
A smalltown Greymouth girl, she had come to the big city hoping for a break. The dream seemed over.
I actually thought about trying to track her down on facebook and see if she was OK, maybe invite her for dinner... (but then I thought that might be weird, so I didn't).
But Daniel Bedingfield came to Jackie's rescue (perhaps urged on by the producers who had spotted the 8,500 likes on the Bring Back Jackie facebook Page?) and brought her back for the Judges Retreats.
YAY! I thought. Finally, some sense from the judges.
But Jackie had lost her confidence.
From the dizzy heights of being told she was a potential winner of the whole thing, to being dumped unceremoniously, the thump as she came down to land back on Earth must have shaken her to the core.
She stood before Daniel and his famous sis Natasha, and sang.
Her voice was pure and lovely... but her body language said: "I'm not good enough."
Her head was down; her shoulders slumped. She had totally lost her confidence.
Me and the kids were cheering when in spite of her lack of confidence, Daniel chose her for his team. When he said to her, "You can do it. I believe in you," and she cried disbelieving tears, well, it moved me.
(I know it's reality TV but she's a person with real dreams, after all.)
I'm cheering for you Jackie! You can do it. Out of everyone in the competition, hers is the voice that I'd most like to hear singing on my (newly found) iPod.
I just hope she can find that lost confidence again. I hope Daniel's belief in her (and the 8,500 of us on the Facebook page) can revive that fire that was there at the beginning. (And in case she reads this, GO JACKIE! You are awesome. You can do it!)
It sucks to lose your confidence. We've all been there at one time or another aye?
When it comes to Lost Things, I think the socks are a lost cause; iPods might miraculously turn up in a box, but confidence is trickier to recover.
It usually takes someone else believing in us before we can have the faith to believe in ourselves again.
I've had people do that for me. My hubby, my counsellor, dear friends who never gave up on me when I had all but given up on myself.
Now I hope that I can share some of that encouragement around, when I see someone with their shoulders slumped. I hope I can be someone who believes in others until they believe in themselves again.
So go Jackie. (And go YOU.)